Blue Fox, I'm Confused.

Blue Fox: What you doing?
Me: I'm about to head to a job offer. What are you doing?
(Five hours later...)
Blue Fox: You available?
Me: Sorry, I'm out eating. Why? What do you need? :)
Blue Fox: Your call
Me: I don't get it. Lol.
Blue Fox: Call me when you aren't busy
Me: Alright. I'll call you later. But I might be a little late. What time will you sleep?
(Hours later and my phone dies)
(Gets home at 11:30pm after a conference meeting and charges phone and receives texts now)
Blue Fox: Right now
Blue Fox: Tomorrow then
(Text Blue Fox at 11:50pm)
Me: I'm sorry! My phone died and I just got home 30 minutes ago. And it's 2am your time Sigh~ I'm sorry. I'll try and call you tomorrow. Goodnight. :)

... Oops.

Confused,
Otter

.................. F*ck.

Seven hours ago, it was 5am. I just fell asleep for less than three hours...

Then my phone rings...

I pick it up and see that it's Blue Fox.

WHAT THE F*CK? BLUE FOX? (picks up)

(at this point I'm excited that he called because that gave me hope...)

"Hello?", I said.

(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)

"Hello?", I said again.

(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)

… My heart is racing, I’m nervous and I stay on the phone for two minutes, listening to him giggle at what his friend said while they’re walking and I realized that his phone is in his pocket again and it called me. This happened three or more times before and we were still talking to each other so I know that he wasn’t trying to be mean but… Sigh. It made me even more depressed that his phone called me and not him… I was hoping it was him.

I hung up the phone, retreated deeper into my bed, buried myself in my pillow fortress and tried crying myself to sleep but I just ended up… Crying.

I just really wanted it to be him, not his fucking pocket… And I keep crying about it because I was excited at 5am, thinking there was fucking hope. Crying at night and crying in the morning fucking hurts because the only person I want to talk to isn’t around; I can’t call, I can’t text, I can’t IM, I can’t do shit and it hurts… But why do I still have to strength to wait? I feel like I’m slowly losing hope but why do I still have hope?

I’m scared he’ll never call me again and I’m scared he won’t forgive me…

When I got the call, I picked up happy with my heart thumping through my chest and I was happy to hear his voice but I hung up, crying… Knowing that he didn’t know he called me and that I was staying on the line feeling happy. I hung up because he wasn’t aware…

Sigh, and here I go again… ㅠㅠ