WTF Blue Fox Part. II

 I'm going to go on a rant right now, you don't have to read it but... I just had to...

WTF Blue Fox, Just Stop It!

You tell me the only time to see you is today and I have to be at Fullerton, CA  by 7PM? For what? A FUCKING EVENT? I don't want to go to one of your company's seminars! I want to see YOU! How hard is that? Yes, I don't have a car. No, I'm not going to spend $200 on taxi. I'll take a train but you have to meet me half way!

Blue Fox: Today is the only day for the event.
Otter: What are you doing for the other days you're going to be here?
Blue Fox: I'll tell you when you come here tonight.
Otter: Poo. Just tell me.
Blue Fox: You have to earn it. Depending, you might see me all week but that all depends how much effort you put into coming today.

It bugs the shit out of me every time you do this! Why do I have to do all the proving? Why?! Am I or have I made it so fucking hard to make you see that I love you?! I moved out of Seattle for you. Yeah, I wanted to live in Maryland and you were a big push but look at what happened! I was even willing to move back for you during the spring! But look what happened.

Why do I have to the proving?! Isn't it already obvious that I want to be with you? Isn't it already obvious that I love you?! Isn't it already obvious that I'm willing to do everything I can for you?! WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO FUCKING DO TO MAKE YOU REALIZE THIS?!

Why can't you just tell me that you love me? Why can't you just be sweet like before? Why can't you just tell me that you miss me?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THE SHIT I ALREADY KNOW?! Why make me go through all of this?!

... ,
Otter

Mormon's Sunday Testimony.

So lately, I've been hanging out with my Mormon friends and I've been consecutively attending church for the last two weeks and been attending the classes and other activities.

(Btw, I feel so under-dressed compared to them.)

And yesterday, Joe, Mrs. Davis (Sister Davis) and I arrived late because we had to pick Joe up from his house. So we missed the "Sacrament Meeting" or something like that. But we were able to go in sometime in the middle. When we came in, it was time for some people to "bear their testimonies" and it's where they express certain hardships and how God has helped them get through it by presenting them with "blessings". And so everyone was slowly going up there and saying what they wanted to say (sometimes it wasn't about total hardships but more of commitments and promises that they will keep) and then Joe decides to go up.

A Dollar-Worth of Thoughts And Two Dozen Powdered Donettes.

For the last two weeks, it has been really hard for me lately. I'm trying to figure out how to make things work in my life, I'm now talking to Ryan again and of course, I can't stop thinking about Blue Fox.

Two days ago, I was probably at my craziest.

What Is The Matter?!

At about 2PM (5PM his time) I ask about work, he tells me that he's about to perform at his Korean drum thing. I text him back saying, "Yay! Have fun!"

I call to leave a voicemail, telling him to call me.

8PM (11PM his time), NOTHING. No text or call in between 2PM~8PM. So I call him, he lets my call ring until it automatically leads me to voicemail. I wait five minutes to call again, HE REJECTS MY CALL AND PUTS ME STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL!

WHAT THE F*CK!

I just want to talk to him about this problem, I want to tell him that I miss him, want to hold his hand and hear about his day. What's wrong with that? Is that too much to ask for?!

God. I'm done for the day. I'm going to build a pillow fortress, bury myself in the covers and cry myself to sleep tonight while I listen to our theme song... I didn't eat all day because of him, but I ran for him, and worked out hoping he would call. Thanks. I'm done for today... I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.