OMFG, UPDATES. FINALLY.

So here's some updates that I wasn't able to post up in time because there's just so much going on:


052312: This was a hard day because I was on my way to see my recruiter just because and I was going to stop by Institute so I was going to catch the early 11:15am bus. When I left the house to go to the bus stop, I get a text message from my best friend-roommate while waiting for the bus that says, "Did you walk the dogs?" and I said "no..." and then 20~30 minutes later, I get this super long text (8 pages, I believe) and she basically nags on me. She basically says that I don't help around the house, clean up after myself, don't pay the bills, etc etc. I'll try and talk about it individually.

First, she says that I don't help around the house: That's a complete lie. I do help around in the house, I clean what I can and I make sure the dishes are clean.

Then she tells me that the LEAST I can do is walk the dogs: She tells me that walking the dogs "isn't hard in her book". And she said that least I can do is walk the dogs and help out a little around the house. Ugh~ First of all, her boyfriend yelled out in the bedroom area and told me while he was "sleeping" that the dogs need to be taken out by 12nn and at that time, it was 11:45am. Ummmm, how about YOU get off your ass and walk YOUR dogs? Yeah, that's right. Your dogs, your responsibility. The reason why I walk the dogs because I'm tired of seeing their owners get up late in the afternoon to walk them, and I want to walk them in the morning because they don't get out often, they stay in kennels all night and you're going to make them wait until the afternoon to use the bathroom? No. So I help out of my kindness but once you expect me to do it like it's a daily routine, then that's when I'll stop because you're going to see it as it being MY job like a servant.

She talks about how I don't clean up after myself: Excuse me? Do you know who I am? Apparently, you got your eyes clouded because you don't see shit. I think you're mistaking my stuff for your boyfriends because your boyfriend's shit is all over the floor.

She talks to me about not paying bills: Um, the bill is being paid by the military so, yeah. The end.

She talks to me about how I'm wasting electricity: You want to talk about electricity? What do I have plugged in this apartment? My iPod charger and my cellphone charger. That's less than 500V all together. And you want to talk to me about electricity? When her boyfriend's weed tent is on 24/7 and almost everything in this house that's plugged in are her boyfriends? So why nag on ME for electricity? Pleeeeease.

And these are the two things that she said that REALLY pissed me off:

"I don't understand how you don't have money for food when you don't pay bills. I just don't understand that." - Really? REALLY?! She knew this from the beginning! My father gives me $200 a month and that includes emergency money, food, toiletries, clothes and transportation. Luckily, I manage to budget my money. But for her to say shit like that really pissed me off... I'm sorry I don't get like, $500+ a month. The reason why I don't ask for more from my parents is because they tell ME that they're struggling to pay their OWN bills and I'm tired of hearing my father say, "I'm struggling to pay this, that, this and that" and I'm tired of hearing my mother say, "We don't have enough money for this and that and I can't get this and that" but my parents are still striving. And I don't ask for a single penny more because I know they need it more than I do. Why do you think I moved out first when I was 17? Why do you think I'm trying so hard to find a job? NOT ONCE have I ever asked my friend for money, NOT ONCE have I asked her to buy me food, buy me groceries and NOT ONCE have I ever touched her food to eat it because I was hungry. NOT ONCE have I ever did that and yet, she talks to me about money. Why do you think I lean on the church? Why do you think that my bishop and his wife are helping me? Why do you think I go out at night with Joe? Because Joe is buying me dinner. Why do you think all my churchmates help out? Because I'm struggling to save my money. And you know what? That's okay, because in the end, when I'm fixed and situated, I'm paying ALL of them back.

"You've been living with me for the last six months and I don't ask you to pay a single penny but the least you can do is help out because not only is it respect to me but also to my parents. It's also common sense and respect to my parents." - WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. First of all, her parents are like my own and she is like my sister so for her to even DARE say that to me is like a slap in the face. Don't come to me and talk about respect. DON'T EVER. You want to talk about respect? Talk it out with your boyfriend because he's the one that needs to learn the meaning of respect. Not me. Even you have to learn about respect because you can't even respect your own parents for what you've been doing until now. And you can't even respect yourself so HOW DARE YOU come to me and talk about respect. Please. Make sure you get your facts straight and come talk to me about real shit.

052412: My recruiter called me Thursday morning and told me that the Air Force stripped away the job that I had booked three weeks before I leave. I leave on June 19th and they tell me NOW that I can’t have the job because of “citizenship reasons”. Back in March, I had my interview with the Investigation Bureau and I fixed all of their things that were messed up and that includes the citizenship section. I gave them proof and even my recruiter said that we fixed it before I headed out to MEPS. I gave my recruiter two copies of everything before I headed down to MEPS and I even had extra copies for MEPS just in case.

And then they tell me that I can’t have the job I wanted because of their mistake?  They still had their system all jacked up and still gave me that job. They should have told me a long time ago before I swore in.

It pisses me off because I have to pay for it. My recruiter and I have to go out and find someone who’s willing to swaps jobs with me that still leave in June because my recruiter wants me to leave near my date or sometime in the month of June or if worst comes to worst, I have to do a “job drop” and start my list all over again and wait… THREE WEEKS BEFORE I AM SCHEDULED TO LEAVE.

What frustrates me is that this is what I want, this is what I worked hard for, this is the career I want, this is the reason why I’ve been patient for the last two years… I’ve been trying to get my fucking foot in the door for the last two years and at the same time, I’m seeing people who don’t give a fuck about the Air Force, who take this as a joke, who enter without integrity, pride, desire and passion, people who are entering think this is a joke and take it lightly and THEY are the ones that enter faster than I do. But when people are around me, they get a sense that this is what I want, this is my dream, my passion, my desire yet I’ve been struggling for the longest time just to get in. It makes me cry in anger because I feel like I just can’t catch a break…

To watch these people who enter without the desire to be in it or have any pride to be in it really make me sick because I’m just one of the few people that actually want this, who have the most determination to strive in the Air Force and who is willing to dedicate their lives to the Air Force yet, I get very little recognition and I’m given lack of importance.

My veins may not be blood-American and I may not look American but my heart is more American than most Americans. I have pride in my country, I have the desire to serve my country and I have faith in my country. I think that’s more than any branch could ask for. I don’t care about the money, I don’t care about the job, but just to know that I’m doing this because it’s my passion and it’s for my country, I’m happy. Just because I’m Asian-American doesn’t make me less of an American than I already am.

Now I have to sit here, wait for an opportunity to pop up and give me another job that leaves in the month of June or will allow me to leave on the 19th or do a “job drop” and start over…

052512: I went to see the Elders today and I spoke to them about my problems. I think I scared them when I started to cry... Haha. But seeing Elder Kirk and Elder Gylling's eyes change when I cried in front of them, I think I touched something in them. They know me as the happy, laughing, cute and friendly girl at church but when I started to share my struggles and my hardships and crying about them, it was a different image but they helped me out and gave me a blessing. So, I'm thankful for that because that made me feel better.

Later, I hung out with Joe and we watched "Dark Shadows"... It was alright but I couldn't stay too long because I was going to be picked up at 7pm by DG! <3

SO... There's this new guy that I've been really liking, let's call him DG. He invited me to spend the Memorial Weekend with his family. So, Friday night, we left Riverside to head to Oceanside. We arrived at his sister's house and we rented some movies to watch. We laid together on the airbed that was suppose to be where I slept in the living room but he slept with me for a little bit. We cuddled and kissed and we fell asleep for a while... I know that we both wanted to do more but since we were members of the church, we knew we couldn't. Honestly, it was difficult because we really liked each other but it just wouldn't be right. So we had to control ourselves. Eventually, we had to sleep so he went to the other room so they wouldn't know that we were cuddled together. In the morning, he woke me up and I switched rooms because everyone was going to cook for the luncheon and DG, his sister and brother-in-law were going to run on the beach (which was 7 miles) in the morning and I was just... Not going to do that. LOL. And I woke up, showered and changed. I waited for DG to come back and I hung out with his relatives and his mother, father, aunt and niece came by and we all ate together. Later on, him, his niece and I went to Albertson to drop off the movies we rents then we went to Rite Aid for ice cream and the whole car ride was fun because I connected with little Emery (niece) and DG and I were like a real couple. His parents thought we were dating but his mother thought we were together because of sex. However, she probably wouldn't believe me if I really told her that I liked her son. -_- after eating lunch and dessert, we all decided to go to the beach but they thought it was too hot so we went to the Outlet Mall instead. We went around and during the middle of our stay, DG and I went shopping together and we were trying on clothes and helping each other out. I felt really happy because it was like we were naturally in a relationship. Then we all went out to eat and we were sitting really close together and I honestly wanted us to be official. Later, we had to leave to come back to Riverside. We all went to pack our stuff and whatnot, and when everyone went inside, it was DG and I outside, next to his car and then he said, "Come here, I want a hug..." and I went over there to give him one, we kissed again and he said he wanted to lay with me again. Then he asked if I had fun, and I said, "Of course I did, thank you for inviting me to spend the weekend-ish with your family..." then we went in to get some more stuff to put in our car. So, in the car going back home was DG, me, his aunt and his niece. We dropped his aunt and his niece first and then he dropped me off last so we can have some time together... Then we talked about where we "stand" and talked about the night we were together. He apologized and what we had done and all. Since he's a return missionary, he can't do "it" and since we're members of the church, it can actually get us in trouble and it just wouldn't be right because he said, "As much as we both would want to do it, we can't. One, because we're members of the church and we have to be good examples. Two, I'm a returned missionary and that could get me kicked out of the church. Three, I need to respect you more as a woman and I really like you so we can't do it." He said that he really likes me but we can't have a relationship because he's going to school and needs to find a job, and he wants me to succeed in the military like I wanted to so he wants us to work on our lives first but he said, "But don't forget me, okay?" and it made me a bit butt-hurt because I knew I couldn't have a relationship, I knew we couldn't have any thing more, I knew that ahead of time... Yet, I let myself slip a little bit and I'm butt-hurt.

DG: I really like you, you're an awesome girl. You're different than other girls, you're not boring at all but we can't have a relationship. I don't know, maybe I'm a douche bag like that but I'm not good at dating. Maybe it's because I don't have the time... Or maybe I'm just bad with relationships.
Me: Does your mom think we're dating?
DG: Haha, yeah. But she won't really believe it because she doesn't believe that someone would ever date me but she does gossip so. Yeah. Haha.
Me: Oooh, haha. But... I'd date you.
DG: Oh, I know~ I can actually see us dating. I really can.

Even though I knew this ahead of time, I was still butt-hurt because I really like him and I know he likes me. Like, when we're together, it's obvious. People even see it! -_- BUT, I guess on the bright side, we still talk like we're close and we'll still hang out and stuff but... We're nothing official. (Bummer) but we did say that maybe in the future, we'll find time to date officially. And we both said that we'll have a spot for each other for the future, just in case. So, that's good, right?

Sigh, but I really, really like DG. Sigh... But I like Dex more though. LOL. -_-

052712: MY BIRTHDAY! Thank you to everyone who greeted me! Thank you, Turtle for your lovely message! I love the numerology that you put as well! <3 It amazes me every time.

Anyways, I went to church and everyone greeted me! It was a good, warm feeling. The sacrament was good and I was happy that there were a lot of people at church today. We were planning to have a party but we moved it to Wednesday night instead since everyone was free then.

After church, Joe took me out for lunch and we ate at Chipole, then we went to Trader Joe's and he brought me groceries. After that, he wanted to buy me a dress! We went to Ross but I didn't find anything. Then he took me to Forever 21 and we spent three hours in there because he was making me find new clothes. -_- I was in and out of the changing room and I found a lot of cute outfits but they didn't look too good on me. However, I got some new stuff. I got three new blouses, (one for church, two for casual and possible church top) and one yellow dress with beige flats. Joe spent $80 on me (I used my -expired- military ID card to get a 15% discount on Memorial Day weekend sale... SHHHHHHHHHH! They didn't see the expiration date.) and Joe told me that my budget was $150! I was like, "HOLY COW! NO!" but I'm glad it was $80. But I was really happy to have that as Joe's birthday present. That really made me happy today.

Now I'm excited to use my dress for Wednesday <3

DG can't make it to my birthday party on Wednesday because he's sick now and has work so he promised to make it up to me by a date with just us two. SOOOOOOO I'm excited about that. Teehee <3

052812: It's 2:22am (MAKE A WISH!) and it's the actual Memorial Day and I'm spending it with my friend Glenn! I have no idea what we're doing but I'm excited! :D

FINALLY UPDATED YA'LL,
Otter