Otter + Blue Fox = ________.

"Maybe... You need to revert down to friend status. Like best friend status, you know? So he doesn't have to have the pressure of always having to make you happy. I think that's what he's struggling with as well. He wants to show you his affections but he's unable to because he has so much things to do. But maybe, a best friend status is just what you need. Keep it super close, but still have your own space. you'll still be able to tell each other everything and I reckon in the long term, it may be more beneficial." — Tammy

“He’s just at a confusing point. Maybe you should give it a little bit of time. He’s just fighting you off now but in his heart, he knows you’ll always wait for him. So there’s this kind of comfort for him to just do that to you. You know what I mean? Like, he can just say “I can’t do this” when he REALLY does want to be with you and even by saying that, he knows you’ll never just take it and be like, “Okay, let’s stop then”. You’ll say, “let’s try” I think it’s that comfort he has… I think he’s kind of like me. Like, I only really miss that person when I physically see them. When I don’t, I don’t really miss them too much and even though he misses you, he’s also busy so there’s this comfort there that, ‘Reanne ain’t going anywhere even though I’m ignoring her for now.’“  — Tammy

“Just doesn’t know how to do long distance. It bothers me that you get treated the way you do. If I was him, you would be with me. I’d find a way to get housing for us. I would appreciate how patient and understanding you are… I would be open to you with my doubts and worries.“ — Bubu

Otter Misses Her Blue Fox.

December 19: Blue Fox finally called me.

With Emily's help, though. Actually, I told Emily what to say but we used her account.

It Rings In My Ears All The Time.

Kitty: You and Blue Fox. I knew it. I so knew it~ I knew you two would be perfect with each other, I just knew it. It was just in a matter of time... I deserve a pat on the back~ Mmm, Mrs. Blue Fox. That has a really nice ring to it, don't you think?

Sometimes, when you leave for your classes and all the roommates are gone, I slip into your Army ACU's and think about all the things that you wanted us to do in our lives, thinking about all the things you said about us having babies, how much you love and care for me, how you love that I'm now in your life, you being there for me 'always and forever' and how you'll always be by my side. I remember all the promises that I've made and you know that I'd always keep it. You know that I'll always be here for you no matter what...

People had really high hopes and knew that we were perfect for each other... Well, Blue Fox and I already knew that but it was nice to know that people thought so too.

As much as I have Licorice around, I still want Blue Fox. Licorice and I talk almost every day, especially before we sleep but before I fall asleep, I'm thinking about Blue Fox. I wake up to the thought of him and I sleep with the thought of him... As sad as some people say it is, I'm still waiting. I know a lot of people don't want me to and want me to move on even with doubts, I'm still waiting. I'm keeping myself busy by finding a job, being around Emily and Astro and having company such as Licorice but in my heart, I'm still waiting.

"Don't call or text until I do..." is the only thing that's keeping me going. Unless he's a complete fob, he won't know what this means but since he's obviously not, it'll happen... Eventually. Sigh, I don't know.

Emily: I really do have a lot of faith in you and Blue Fox, I really do!

Sigh. I'm still waiting...

Waiting, Missing, Understanding.

Half of me feels hallow and sad and the other half of me still has hope and strength to wait.

I understand that he’s busy; school, ROTC, work, friends. And I understand why he withdrew from me because of my rare moments of neediness.

I know that he was going through a situation that was tough for him… Juggling me, over school, work, ROTC, sleep and everything else in between, I admit that it could have been too much for him. Thus, why he withdrew…

A Week of Waiting.

"At some point, some time, you'll need
someone there for you and I will be the one.
So whenever you need, don't be afraid, 

call on me, and I will get to you.
All you want, you need my time.
I wanna give because you're a special apart me.
See, I know you need many things to feel complete
that's why you should never hesitate.
No matter what you think,
I'm gonna always do things for you.

I will take care of you. My word is all you need. 

And you'll see that I, I'll never let you down."

I didn't think it was going to be this hard not to text him or call him. And I haven't heard anything from him... It makes me wonder if he misses me at all. But I know he does, he always does.

Sometimes, I see him online wondering why he's not sleeping. Sometimes, I feel like he's wanting me to say something first. I don't know, I can't assume. But he tends to do this like, he'll do something and if I comply, he'll wonder why I didn't call. Like, when he called me and made the conversation short, I complied and then he was like, "Aren't you going to call back?" or something like that. Again, I can't assume.

But oh, do I miss him. I miss him so much... It's almost like a physical pain I feel in my chest. I just want to talk to him, hear him, and just giggle again.

I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to make the time pass... If I get nothing at two weeks, I'm going to say something... Positive.

Ohmygod, I'm getting sad all of a sudden now...

I miss him so much. :'(

Sigh, Blue Fox. Come back...

I feel like when I do say something, I have to apologize for being such a burden to him. I didn't realize he was studying and going to class for midterms which was happening last week. Yes, he could of texted me about it but knowing how he works when he's busy, I won't fight it. I should have... Thought about it. I am sorry. Sigh.

Wait... Wait... Wait... T_____T

;skldjsklfsdsfj,
Otter

Day-4 of Waiting.

Ever since I was four years old, I've listened to Immature/IMx and this song is one of my favorites when they came back, all grown up and fine. This is the song that I've been listening to all day, thinking of Blue Fox. I miss him so much right now...

It's day-4 and I feel like... Siiiiiigh.

"Some days I wish I was your pillow
And I know exactly how you feel
Every night you cry it rained on me
(on your mind is where I want to be)"

I don't want to let you go, I can't let you go, I don't want to lose you. I just wanted to know how you were feeling because, like the song, I just want to be your pillow. (even though I know in real life, you don't use a pillow) but I want to be that person who makes you feel rested, someone who comforts you, someone who wants to know how your day went, someone who can ease your mind after a long day and I want to be your pillow especially on the days where you feel like crying or when you're frustrated, stressed, tired, upset or sad.

That's the kind of girlfriend/gumiho that I am for you...

Please understand that.

Day-2 of Waiting.

OMG, WHO KNEW THIS WOULD BE SO HARD?

I was so confident that I could do this because I know that we could work this out... But just waiting for him to text me is so hard, I just miss him, you know? If only voicemails didn't expire after 14 days, I would be calling my voicemail and listening to all his cute voicemails that I saved... Sigh.

I'm trying to keep myself busy. I need to sign some papers, study for the DMV's drivers test, helping the in-laws with their collage thing for their reunion and having my mind glued to some action dramas. I still think of Blue Fox even through all of this but I'm not hibernating in the bed, covered in pillows and blankets, messed up hair and crying myself to sleep. Although, if I don't keep going, I'll do just that.

Turtle, I have a question... What do you think of the situation? I know that you had high hopes for Blue Fox and I. So do I. What do you think?

Because for me, it's obvious. I want to work this out, I still want to be with him even though we have separate goals in life, I know we can do this. I know he has a stronger will than that, and I know I have a stronger will and patience. And I just love him that much. At the end of the day, I'm an adult and I know what I want... And I still want Blue Fox into my life.

Trying to stay positive,
Otter

I'll Wait In Time.

I'll make you fall in love with me the same exact way I captured your heart in the beginning. ♡

... You'll come back. You said you'll come find me. I'll be waiting.

Sincerely,
Gumiho (Otter)

I'm Forever Yours, Let Me Help You.

"Just know in my arms, you're embraced by love." ♡

Finally, the boyfriend called me. Final-effing-ly~ It may not be what I wanted but it's something, at least. But I'm going to be strong and patient.

I Can't Stay, Apparently.

Here's the hard part that I didn't want to talk about now...

Remember when I said that I had a feeling that I was making things awkward in the house? Well, I'm correct. The reason why all the boys in the house were in the other room for such a long time was because they were talking to Aaron about how much longer I'm going to have to stay because they thought I was only here for the weekend. He didn't tell his roommates that I was staying for a while, thinking that it's going to be okay because one roommate tends to have his girlfriend over from time to time as well so he planned it on his own without telling his roommates ahead of time: His mistake.

He didn't talk to me about it until last night when I came home at about 5pm, after getting maps and bus routes to find a job slightly outside Towson University. I come home, find the roommates and friends in the living room playing video games. I walk into the bedroom to change and he goes, "We need to talk." and I'm like, "Sure" thinking that I already know what's going to happen or what we're going to talk about and he goes, "You can't stay here anymore..." and we talked about it and he told me that his roommates are staying to feel uncomfortable that I'm here for so long and that I'm being of a slight distraction with him and his school work and Army ROTC. Since I'm around, he only wants to be with me and whatnot but he has to sleep and do so many other things, so he isn't doing as good in training in the morning and has to work extra hard and he missed a quiz in his psychology class and he has a ton of work to do.

Feeling So Much Better...

A few minutes ago, I was on the phone with Blue Fox but I heard his mother in the background talking in Korean asking who he was talking to and he said, "My friend" but his mother was telling him to hang up the phone. I understood everything so I wasn't hurt or anything...

Blue Fox's mother was basically saying that she was upset thinking that he was talking to a girl because he promised her that he wasn't going to get a girlfriend until after he graduates. His mother worries that he'd be calling me a lot and not do his work and studies... So for tonight, we can't call each other. (laughs)

One Saddened Otter

So last night, I spoke with Blue Fox... I didn't get the chance to tell him everything that I felt, it was just too hard to bring up but for some reason, our conversation last night... Almost answered it for me.