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On the 17th, Blue Fox texted me "Ok". And I was like, "Ok what?" and he took four hours to reply and said, "Okay I made a decision" and I said, "What decision? Lol."



Blue Fox: I'm just gonna be with a girl here. Long distance doesn't work out.
Me: Were you waiting? Honestly~ Do you still have feelings for me?
Blue Fox: Her name is Angie.
Blue Fox: I have feelings for her.
Me: Answer my question first. Do you still have feelings for me?
Blue Fox: No because I feel like you lied to me.
Me: HOW?!
Blue Fox: To start off. I don't think you were a virgin.
Me: WHAT?!?! WHY?! Why would I lie to you about that?!
Blue Fox: You were with a guy for three years
Me: So?! I was in a three year relationship from 11~14 but I still didn't do anything and then 15~18 and I still didn't do anything. WHY would I be lying to you about that?! I told you everything!
Blue Fox: Lied about phone picture being broken.
Me: How so?! WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT TO YOU?!
Blue Fox: What do you like about me?
Me: I like that you have a big heart, I love that you're there to listen to me and help me out, I love that you motivate me, I love your laugh, I like your smile, I like your eyes, I like how determined you are and how you help those around you. There's so much I like and love about you~
(He doesn't reply)
Me: Why are you thinking like this? What's going on?
Me: Blue Fox...? Talk to me please...
(doesn't reply)
- One hour later -
Me: Can we talk properly? :(

I called once but he rejected. I called my friend Ryan, his mother, my friend Brittney and my mother. To tell them about it. But since this house is a dead spot, I always get cut so I went outside to talk but I always got cut because we kind of live near the mountains. And I was just so frustrated that I can't talk to them properly and I just was going crazy.

First off: Nate and I only saw each other once a week. We'd be lucky to see each other twice a week. His school was like, 30 minutes away from mine and I lived 30 minutes away from mine. So he has to travel an hour to see me and since he parents HATED me because I wasn't there kind of Christian and I was Asian (they didn't say it but I felt it) they didn't allow us to really see each other and when we did, it was only for like a few hours. Or we'd hang out with our mutual friends. The only time we spent a good amount of time together was during each other's prom. And we did that for two years and our last third year, we spent it long distance. And only saw each other before Christmas for like, three hours. But he broke up with me with a girl I had a feeling was the reason and he MARRIED her. I told Aaron this WAY before. Like wtf? And then he compares it? I'm with Blue Fox because I want to be with him. And why would I lie about that? Why would I lie to him like that? To take advantage of him? WHY WOULD I WHEN I ACTUALLY LOVE BLUE FOX? It doesn't make sense. And then he tells me this phone bullshit? OMG, IT'S LIKE THAT TO EVERYONE FOR ME. If someone were to send me a MMS text or picture message, IT WON'T EVEN OPEN FOR ME. I have a Blackberry and I'm under a family plan SO my aunt is in charge of what goes in on my phone. She took off the internet access because it was too expensive (especially being with AT&T) and since my phone's a Blackberry, it needs internet access to send MMS messages. AND I TOLD BLUE FOX THAT AND THEN HE BRINGS THIS UP THAT I'M LYING TO HIM?! It's not that I don't want to send him pictures of me. I DO. But I can't do anything about it because it's my aunt who's in charge of what goes in my phone and I tried calling but they said that I need the person in charge of the plan's last four digit of their social security number. OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO KNOW THAT. WTF. And this Angie girl? I NEVER ASKED WHO SHE WAS. HE BROUGHT HER UP. I NEVER ASKED. And you know what? I think he's lying about her. I bet she doesn't even exist! And then I talked to my mom about it and she said that he's probably frustrated and hurt because he's seeing how much fun I'm having here and whatnot and all the guys I hang out with... So he's probably lashing out his frustrations on me. And I understand but this is stupid stuff... And I want to talk about it but he won't say anything to me. So my friend Brittney was telling me to let it go for now and he'll talk when he's ready. BUT IT HURTS ME THAT HE WOULD EVEN QUESTION OR THINK I'M LYING ABOUT THINGS THAT I SHOULD NOT OR HAVE NO REASON TO LIE ABOUT.

So I spent all night, awake. I didn't sleep until 6am and I only slept for like two hours. And I had a Air Force PT test that same day and I had to ride the bus for an hour and forty minutes just to get there and LUCKILY, I passed and I cut my run time by three minutes BUT I'm still depressed about Blue Fox. It hurts me, you know. Like wtf is this shit?!

I got a little more sleep last night but meh.