Blank. Totally blank.

Bullshit, I swear.

DSLKFJASLKDJ;LSDKJFLWTFFFFF.

On the 17th, Blue Fox texted me "Ok". And I was like, "Ok what?" and he took four hours to reply and said, "Okay I made a decision" and I said, "What decision? Lol."

I Regret Nothing.

I wonder if what I did today was a good thing.

I went to the UCR's Institute to meet up with the Elders to have our lesson. After our hour lesson, we departed and I walked to the University Village to stop by 7/11 because I wanted a drink and some beef jerky. I then went out to sit on the chairs outside 7/11 to call Mrs. Davis regarding if I can finally move into her place for the time being because I'm dropping off Emily at the airport tomorrow and she's going to be gone for three months and I'm definitely not staying at the apartment with just her boyfriend.

So, I called Mrs. Davis but she didn't answer so I had to leave a message, as I was waiting for the voicemail message to finish so I can leave one, this young black kid comes up to me...

Benji Schwimmer. SYTYCD Winner. Mormon.

(061212)

I'm not sure who here watches "So You Think You Can Dance" tv show but there's a dancer named Benji Schwimmer. He's a good dancer, he's also a member of my church and he was my friend Glenn's old companion during their mission... On Tuesday, we all get the news that he announced that he was gay. He finally came out after struggling to come to terms that he was gay and he struggled to accept it because he's been a devoted member to our church but ever since he finally accepted it, he left our church and is now "ex-communicated" (that means that he's no longer affiliated with our church)

The way we found out was when Joe, Glenn and I were at Ontario Mills (a mall) eating Panda Express and then we see Glenn on his iPhone, scrolling around and then his expression changed from content to worried and disappointed (?) and then he told us if we knew Benji and Joe knew of him but knew his sister and I know of him because he was on TV but I knew he's from Redlands. So then Glenn told us about it and how they were companions for about six months during their mission (which is a long time) and then told us that Benji came out and announced that he was gay, leaving the church and is now doing whatever. Joe and I were a little surprised that he decided to leave and we thought it was a little harsh.

Later after we ate, Glenn couldn't call him because Benji lost his phone so he just sent him a private message on Twitter. But to know that he left the church and is now ex-communicated left a saddened feeling... I can't imagine leaving my church, I can't imagine the church ex-communicating with me or anything like that... I don't even want to think of that feeling but for Benji to go through that was really sad.

I don't know why he left the church, I mean, is it just because he's gay? I know some Mormon's are hella sketchy with that issue but there are some that understand (Andi and I). A lot of Mormon's think that Andi and I are not Mormons because we support gay rights, gay marriages and have gay friends and best friends but it doesn't make you any less of a devoted disciple of God if you follow His word but, I don't know. I just heard the news and I just thought of telling you guys... I just wish that the situation was so harsh. :(

Is It Bad If I Want You?

WTF AM I DOING YOU GUYS?!

I don't know if I'm digging myself an even bigger hole or what...

I honestly like DG... A LOT. I don't even know why! But I like him a lot and it makes me a little upset because I know I can't have him.

WTF Blue Fox Part. II

 I'm going to go on a rant right now, you don't have to read it but... I just had to...

WTF Blue Fox, Just Stop It!

You tell me the only time to see you is today and I have to be at Fullerton, CA  by 7PM? For what? A FUCKING EVENT? I don't want to go to one of your company's seminars! I want to see YOU! How hard is that? Yes, I don't have a car. No, I'm not going to spend $200 on taxi. I'll take a train but you have to meet me half way!

Blue Fox: Today is the only day for the event.
Otter: What are you doing for the other days you're going to be here?
Blue Fox: I'll tell you when you come here tonight.
Otter: Poo. Just tell me.
Blue Fox: You have to earn it. Depending, you might see me all week but that all depends how much effort you put into coming today.

It bugs the shit out of me every time you do this! Why do I have to do all the proving? Why?! Am I or have I made it so fucking hard to make you see that I love you?! I moved out of Seattle for you. Yeah, I wanted to live in Maryland and you were a big push but look at what happened! I was even willing to move back for you during the spring! But look what happened.

Why do I have to the proving?! Isn't it already obvious that I want to be with you? Isn't it already obvious that I love you?! Isn't it already obvious that I'm willing to do everything I can for you?! WHAT MORE DO I HAVE TO FUCKING DO TO MAKE YOU REALIZE THIS?!

Why can't you just tell me that you love me? Why can't you just be sweet like before? Why can't you just tell me that you miss me?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THE SHIT I ALREADY KNOW?! Why make me go through all of this?!

... ,
Otter

Otter Is Heartbroken

Won Bin (one of my favorite actors) is getting married on April 31st, 2012! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP! HOLY FIGGING CHEESUS! I know that he's already in his early 30's but still!

WE WERE SUPPOSE TO GET MARRIED!

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh!

I'm going to stuff myself with this large tub of ice cream as my heart screams in agony that I lost another perfect man in my life! S-freaking-IGH!

Heartbroken,
Otter

What Is The Matter?!

At about 2PM (5PM his time) I ask about work, he tells me that he's about to perform at his Korean drum thing. I text him back saying, "Yay! Have fun!"

I call to leave a voicemail, telling him to call me.

8PM (11PM his time), NOTHING. No text or call in between 2PM~8PM. So I call him, he lets my call ring until it automatically leads me to voicemail. I wait five minutes to call again, HE REJECTS MY CALL AND PUTS ME STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL!

WHAT THE F*CK!

I just want to talk to him about this problem, I want to tell him that I miss him, want to hold his hand and hear about his day. What's wrong with that? Is that too much to ask for?!

God. I'm done for the day. I'm going to build a pillow fortress, bury myself in the covers and cry myself to sleep tonight while I listen to our theme song... I didn't eat all day because of him, but I ran for him, and worked out hoping he would call. Thanks. I'm done for today... I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

Blue Fox and His "Nine Others".

Last night, I spoke with Blue Fox. Actually, I shouldn't be starting my blogs like this because my days and nights start and end with Blue Fox. Lol.

So last night, we spoke.

Yesterday, I wasn't feeling too good and I absolutely felt zero motivation today... Zero motivation for anything. So I wanted to talk to Blue Fox but apparently, it didn't end up being the happy conversation I was hoping for.