Surprise Panda Hug

Two days ago, I took the train with Spam, JB, Spencer and his sister Smurfette, Panda and his best friend whom we shall call Scooter. It took forever to actually get on a train because it was rush hour when we got on the platform and nearly all the trains were full like sardines. I think we waited at the platform for almost like an hour.

  Spencer is just so random because in his bag he's carrying a loaf of raisin wheat bread and a jar of peanut butter, so Smurfette, Scooter and I munched on some bread, even if it wasn't allowed.

  Panda kept hugging his cousin Smurfette, messing up her hair and pinching her cheeks and nose til she curses and she starts poking him in the stomach, trying to get back at him. It's just so sweet and adorable the way Panda shows so much affection for his cousin. He's quite protective about her as well, going all, "WHO'S BODY ARE WE BURYING?" everytime one of us brings up a guy's name to her. And he watches over Spam and JB when they happen to be drinking where he's hanging out.

Anyway, us girls were just minding our own business. I just grinned at Smurfette coz she asked me what my height was since I was still taller than her even if she's wearing heels. I still call her Pokemon because she's just so sweet, thoughtful and adorable for a college freshman.

Someone suddenly hugged me from behind. Like, these two long arms just wrapped around my shoulders. I froze because they definitely don't belong to a girl. And I just KNEW who it was immediately. Spam, JB and one of our other friends who happened to be there, Tima- all of their eyes were wide in utter shock from what was transpiring before them but they totally suppressed their reactions to freak out and instead they all just pursed their lips tightly while throwing meaningful glances at me and each other, trying not to smile.

And my mind was screaming, "CALM YO TITS."

Panda chuckled, "oops! Wrong Pokemon." And promptly moved to Smurfette and also gave her a back hug. I was like, "hey!! I'm not THAT short!"

"Nah, just kidding. I knew you'd be offended." He chuckled, pushing the bridge of my glasses up my nose with one hand.

WHY DID I EVER FELL OUT OF CRUSH FOR YOU?

Loving back hugs,
Awkward Turtle

Allergies, Oh, allergies.

 Came down with a slight fever yesterday. I'm feeling tons better today, so I hope I'd be fully recovered without my allergic rhinitis getting in the way tomorrow because it's one of my close friends' birthday and drinks are on her. Not that I'm a drinker but my school family's gonna be there and I don't wanna miss that rare gathering over a stupid allergy.

Well, Otter. As your friend, do what you think you feel you must do. And I will try to be there, um, I dunno, cheering for you from afar. TROLOLOL. X)

Using up so much pulp from trees,
Awkward Turtle

I. AM. DONE.

I'm tired of taking people's punches, I'm tired of being nice to people and I know I'm as patient as f---.

But this old lady is getting on my last nerve! I'm here to only help her and assist her. Sure, I'm on the computer and I'm in the room but if she needs help, she can call me. It's a small house! But I was told that she was "lonely" at night or alone in the living room so okay, I moved all my stuff outside and now, we're only like 12-feet away from each other. I watch her and since she's still independent, I let her do what she wants but if I know she needs assistance, I'm there to help.

But she keeps complaining that I don't clean the house. I don't sweep the floor, I don't wipe the floor, I don't dust the ceramic pieces, I don't water the yard and front lawn, I don't do this and that... I'm not here to clean the effing house! That's not in the job description and that's not what was agreed on in the beginning.

It can't be. It's impossible.

I don't feel like talking right now but...

Seeking comfort from others do help, but of course, the only person that I seek to comfort me is Blue Fox. Yes, I still love him. Yes, it's been two weeks and three days since we spoke. Yeah, I texted him last Sunday saying "Hey I know you're busy but I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you. I hope to hear from you soon" but of course, no reply. Yes, he had a Ranger Challenge at Fort Pickett from Oct. 2nd~23rd. Yeah, I saw pictures and it made me miss him seeing him in his camo uniform, and I might not be sure if he still has midterms but the last time I checked his grades (yes I check his grades), it was a 3.2 GPA and when I checked last Sunday, it's now a 2.7 GPA, I guess some midterm grades were locked in. He has work, school, studying, ROTC and ROTC classes all on his plate... I can understand where the pressure is coming from and me, on top of it, just... Blew it off.

I suck at this

Otter, as your good friend, if you want my opinion, I will give it you in the best, unvarnished way possible. If he's really missing you- or if he's really into you as he says he is- time or distance should not be an issue. True, you get to know a person by spending time with them and it's more convenient if they're accesible, proximity-wise. But we have technology now. What's a few minutes of leaving a pm? Or a five-minute call saying he can't stay long on the phone but he misses you? As my professor in sociology said, "True love is beyond space, time, culture and religion." I had high hopes for Blue Fox, yes, but I was disappointed with the way he didn't seem to consider your effort to fly aaaaaalll the way to where he is, just to be with him. He may or he may never call but men are simple-minded creatures. If they like you, they ask for your number and ask you out. If they miss you, they call. Or leave a message. At this point, Otter, you have to ask yourself and consider the possibility of, I dunno, just focusing on yourself first. Find a stimulating job, get a place, use your talents in writing and the arts, volunteer for something you believe in... You know, just focus on doing things for yourself, and challenge yourself. Instead of using all your time waiting for Blue Fox, go back to yourself. Think of you. You've got way more opportunities there compared when you were in the Phil. You're an awesome person Otter! If Blue Fox is not willing to spend even five minutes of his life for you, that's something to think about. I suck at giving opinions and advice because I'm too straightforward. Wants to dance some more, Awkward Turtle

For Otter

Updates, yet again.

Otter!! Sorry I haven't been updating. Things are crazy on my end! Well, probably not as crazy as yours, but whatever.

What's been going on for the past few weeks in nutshells:
*I attended Panda's cousin's birthday in this HUUUUGE compound that's owned by their family. OK, so they're wealthy in an "old rich" sort of way. And yes, Panda was there. And he managed to persuade us to swim with them in their huge pool. What he did was he unleashed their pack of adorable beagles. So me and my friends smelled like dog from cuddling and playing with them. Thus, we were lent swimwear to have a valid reason to swim with them. XD T'was a fun night.


*I took up hip-hop classes and it was FUUUUUUUUUUUN. I took these classes to challenge myself. If I suck at it, then I can walk away. But I didn't. I don't actually have two left feet! And can I just emphasize what a total confidence booster it is to be able to rock out and learn moves!!

*One of my pet hermit crabs, Houdini, shed his exoskeleton again. Which is cool.

*Hottie is still... siiiiigh. What am I going to do with this guy who is unaware just how much he takes my breath away???

A Week of Waiting.

"At some point, some time, you'll need
someone there for you and I will be the one.
So whenever you need, don't be afraid, 

call on me, and I will get to you.
All you want, you need my time.
I wanna give because you're a special apart me.
See, I know you need many things to feel complete
that's why you should never hesitate.
No matter what you think,
I'm gonna always do things for you.

I will take care of you. My word is all you need. 

And you'll see that I, I'll never let you down."

I didn't think it was going to be this hard not to text him or call him. And I haven't heard anything from him... It makes me wonder if he misses me at all. But I know he does, he always does.

Sometimes, I see him online wondering why he's not sleeping. Sometimes, I feel like he's wanting me to say something first. I don't know, I can't assume. But he tends to do this like, he'll do something and if I comply, he'll wonder why I didn't call. Like, when he called me and made the conversation short, I complied and then he was like, "Aren't you going to call back?" or something like that. Again, I can't assume.

But oh, do I miss him. I miss him so much... It's almost like a physical pain I feel in my chest. I just want to talk to him, hear him, and just giggle again.

I'm trying to stay positive, I'm trying to make the time pass... If I get nothing at two weeks, I'm going to say something... Positive.

Ohmygod, I'm getting sad all of a sudden now...

I miss him so much. :'(

Sigh, Blue Fox. Come back...

I feel like when I do say something, I have to apologize for being such a burden to him. I didn't realize he was studying and going to class for midterms which was happening last week. Yes, he could of texted me about it but knowing how he works when he's busy, I won't fight it. I should have... Thought about it. I am sorry. Sigh.

Wait... Wait... Wait... T_____T

;skldjsklfsdsfj,
Otter

Day-4 of Waiting.

Ever since I was four years old, I've listened to Immature/IMx and this song is one of my favorites when they came back, all grown up and fine. This is the song that I've been listening to all day, thinking of Blue Fox. I miss him so much right now...

It's day-4 and I feel like... Siiiiiigh.

"Some days I wish I was your pillow
And I know exactly how you feel
Every night you cry it rained on me
(on your mind is where I want to be)"

I don't want to let you go, I can't let you go, I don't want to lose you. I just wanted to know how you were feeling because, like the song, I just want to be your pillow. (even though I know in real life, you don't use a pillow) but I want to be that person who makes you feel rested, someone who comforts you, someone who wants to know how your day went, someone who can ease your mind after a long day and I want to be your pillow especially on the days where you feel like crying or when you're frustrated, stressed, tired, upset or sad.

That's the kind of girlfriend/gumiho that I am for you...

Please understand that.

Day-2 of Waiting.

OMG, WHO KNEW THIS WOULD BE SO HARD?

I was so confident that I could do this because I know that we could work this out... But just waiting for him to text me is so hard, I just miss him, you know? If only voicemails didn't expire after 14 days, I would be calling my voicemail and listening to all his cute voicemails that I saved... Sigh.

I'm trying to keep myself busy. I need to sign some papers, study for the DMV's drivers test, helping the in-laws with their collage thing for their reunion and having my mind glued to some action dramas. I still think of Blue Fox even through all of this but I'm not hibernating in the bed, covered in pillows and blankets, messed up hair and crying myself to sleep. Although, if I don't keep going, I'll do just that.

Turtle, I have a question... What do you think of the situation? I know that you had high hopes for Blue Fox and I. So do I. What do you think?

Because for me, it's obvious. I want to work this out, I still want to be with him even though we have separate goals in life, I know we can do this. I know he has a stronger will than that, and I know I have a stronger will and patience. And I just love him that much. At the end of the day, I'm an adult and I know what I want... And I still want Blue Fox into my life.

Trying to stay positive,
Otter

Happy Music

"Rock my world into the sunlight
Make this dream the best I've ever known..."

So I haven't completely given up on Hottie. If only I were a guy and she was a girl, life would be easier. But nooooo... Anyway, the most recent event would be last weekend when I went to the Art department library again to drown my sorrows in art books and graphic novels.
  Just as I entered the library, I immediately saw him looking busy with his sketchpad. For some reason, I FREAKED OUT and quickly retreated to the Reading Room so that I could- I dunno- slow my heart rate??

 As I caught my breath and tried to calm myself, he suddenly appeared in the reading room and I just stared at him. He brought with him his sketch pad and his bagpack. He then started telling me that it was his break and he usually spent it in the library.

 Like I didn't know that!

He gave me back my sketch pad (which he found in the same library a week ago, coz I was in a sudden rush to go home. I call it Destiny.) and he lent me a bootleg copy of The Lion King as promised. So he spent what's left of his break just talking to me. Turns out we both watched this amazing movie called "3 Idiots" and that both of our older sibs forced us to watch the movie nearly at the same time. We talked about his art classes. I read his idea journal and one of the things recorded in it was the day that he hung out with me, Spam and Kitty at the main library. One of the passages said, "I hung out at the library with Spam, Kitty and especially Turtle..."

 ESPECIALLY???

I thought I was going to die when I read it. That was the day I consulted for him for what's a good concept for my music video in the very near future.


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I JUST CAN'T!

Awkward Turtle

I'll Wait In Time.

I'll make you fall in love with me the same exact way I captured your heart in the beginning. ♡

... You'll come back. You said you'll come find me. I'll be waiting.

Sincerely,
Gumiho (Otter)

I'm Forever Yours, Let Me Help You.

"Just know in my arms, you're embraced by love." ♡

Finally, the boyfriend called me. Final-effing-ly~ It may not be what I wanted but it's something, at least. But I'm going to be strong and patient.

Please... Talk To Me.

“A, please call me. Sigh. I need to talk to you…”
”Are you done with church? I won’t be going today. So, call me. Haha.”
”:( are you busy?”
”A, is there something wrong?”
”What’s going on? :(”
”What’s the matter? :(”

Called twice; one rejected, one no answer… Nothing.

”Are you too busy to talk to me?”
”Don’t be like this. What’s wrong? I’m being positive but why are you being like this? Tell me what’s wrong because apparently something’s up and the way you’re acting is really upsetting me.”

I called twice because he should be free right now (6PM EST) but he just let it ring to voicemail…

(Update this as it goes...)

What Is The Matter?!

At about 2PM (5PM his time) I ask about work, he tells me that he's about to perform at his Korean drum thing. I text him back saying, "Yay! Have fun!"

I call to leave a voicemail, telling him to call me.

8PM (11PM his time), NOTHING. No text or call in between 2PM~8PM. So I call him, he lets my call ring until it automatically leads me to voicemail. I wait five minutes to call again, HE REJECTS MY CALL AND PUTS ME STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL!

WHAT THE F*CK!

I just want to talk to him about this problem, I want to tell him that I miss him, want to hold his hand and hear about his day. What's wrong with that? Is that too much to ask for?!

God. I'm done for the day. I'm going to build a pillow fortress, bury myself in the covers and cry myself to sleep tonight while I listen to our theme song... I didn't eat all day because of him, but I ran for him, and worked out hoping he would call. Thanks. I'm done for today... I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.

What Is Going On?

So I texted Blue Fox about how work was and he said, "Good. Did you run?" and I told him, "Yes." and he said, "How long?" and I told him that I ran for 25-minutes.

Blue Fox: Do another 30 too.
Otter: On top of my 25?
Blue Fox: Yes. Let me know when you are done. I'll call you then.
Otter: Right now?
Blue Fox: That's up to you. You're not going to run?
Otter: But it's dark outside. What if someone snatches me? I'll do it in the morning.
Otter: I did 175-sit ups and 85 push ups. Can't you just call?
Blue Fox: Nope. Not good enough.
Otter: Why not? Can't I just repay the rest in goodnight-kisses?
Blue Fox: You don't try your best. So no reward. I don't think you understand the importance of exercise. I want you to be on my level. That means you have to work harder than me. Minimum amount of running per day should be 1 hour.
Otter: Why?
Blue Fox: Why not. I hate people who complain so I advice you to not do that.
Otter: I'm not complaining. I'm just asking why I have to work harder...
Blue Fox: Well let me ask you this. Why are you exercising if you aren't gonna give it your best?
Otter: I am... And I'm working on it.
(Blue Fox doesn't answer)
Otter: What's wrong?
(Blue Fox doesn't answer)

... He most likely went to sleep instead of replying to me.

Seriously? As much as I love Blue Fox, why is he being like this all of a sudden? Why is he so obsessed with me running nowadays? Yes, I work out. Yes, I run every other day. Yes, I'm healthy as a BAMF. But why is he acting like this all of a sudden?

I told my best friend about it and she told me that it's probably because he's irritated about me being gone or something. She said that her boyfriend was being a dick when she was gone and when she was about to come over to visit him, he was being nice and whatnot. And now that I'm gone, Blue Fox is being like this. I don't know why... I want to talk to him about this one too. I know he's going to get upset about it because he'll think I'm complaining but I'm not. I'm just confused on why he's acting like such a dick all of a sudden.

"I hate people who complain so I advice you to not do that."

Seriously, what the f*ck...

I love you but I didn't ask for a trainer. If you want to act like a trainer, go to your fatass roommate Ryan and train him or a random fat student at the university? Why do you have to train your girlfriend who already works out on her own?

There has to be something behind this...

This is what happens when you date a Korean guy. They may be perfect, good-looking and athletic but they have this trait in their genes that make them almost like psychos where they always want to be the best and want to always improve to be better. And as much as I admire that, this is crazy. Yes, I agreed that we should do sports together and work out together but this is like a whole different story.

I didn't ask for YG's personal trainer... I asked for a supportive boyfriend.

Now tell me where he went because I miss him and I want him to call. Right now, I'm talking to the other side of Blue Fox. I want the original Blue Fox that I fell in love with... WHERE IS HE?!

I need to talk to him soon~

SADDDDDD,
Otter

FINAL-BLEEPIN-LY!

I texted him at 3:08AM my time, "(hugs) Do your best today! ^^ and I better hear from you~ Lol"

Almost two hours later, possibly when he comes out of ROTC... He textes me, "I was tired."

Otter: I know~ :T
Blue Fox: Don't give me those sad faces :P
Otter: I can't help it. (tries to hold in another sad face) you're just so busy that you can't even text me back or answer my calls for a bit...
Blue Fox: Stop being spoiled and be positive
Otter: Lol, ohmygod I'm not spoiled! XD I'm trying to be positive but it almost felt like you were trying to ignore me~ T_T
Blue Fox: I'm busy darling. You should know that. But if you are gonna think that way then I might as well ignore.
Otter: Noooooo! I'm just sayin'~ I just missed you and I wanted to hear you say that you missed me too. That's all. :P
Blue Fox: Did you run everyday?
Otter: Yes. Except the day before yesterday because there was a rain storm.
Blue Fox: How many minutes?
Otter: 20. -___-+
Blue Fox: I don't miss you at all then.
Otter: What?! Whyyyyyy?! Was that suppose to be negative motivation?!

His last text was almost five hours ago. Uhg. I know he's just doing this to motivate me but seriously...

He always says that he gives me negative motivation because he knows good motivation doesn't drive me to do better... He gives it to me when I do good but he gives me these negative  motivations... Sigh.

At least I got something. But now, he's busy again because he's most likely at work right now so... I hope he calls me later tonight. I HOPE.

Feeling A Little Better,
Otter

For realz, epic realz.

 Yesterday, in Economics class, which was largely made up of Freshmen, there was a group of girls in one corner blabbering about Steve Jobs.

Their conversation was in Tagalog but here's a rough English translation.

Girl 1: I heard that Steve Jobs passed away!
Girl 2: Yeah, he did resign from Apple earlier coz of cancer.
Girl 3: Who's Steve Jobs?

(pause)

Girl 1 and 2: You don't know who Steve Jobs is???
Girl 3: (shakes her head)
Girl 1: (waves her Mac laptop in front of her friend's face) He's the one who created all of this!!!

Seriously wants to bitch-slap someone,
Awkward Turtle

Sad and Lonely Otter.

I really miss Blue Fox.

He talks to other people on Facebook but he doesn't text me or call me back. Dude, this is really making me sad. I want to hear his voice again but why is he being so busy but can't even text me back~ :(

kjfklsjdlfjsljfdsjfd;skjfds;lfjds

Sad,
Otter

We'll Miss Your Imagination, Steve Jobs.

Oh, man. I've been an Apple-Mac fan since I can remember. Most of the computers that we've owned throughout my life was by Apple. So when I was seeing articles saying that Steve Jobs died, I scoffed at it and thought it was a joke because I knew there were mean people out there who like to make hype out of people's death.

But this was real.

I saw it on CNN later that night when I started to see rumors that it was real. It was really weird because I knew that he was suffering from cancer and other health problems but I didn't think he'd pass away so early... I knew he had envision so much more for Apple but when he passed his CEO-position to Tim Cook, I knew something might be wrong.

And then this. So sad.

I was even thinking of switching my choice of an iPhone to a Samsung Android. Silly me, now I might just get an iPhone to remember Steve Jobs. :( lol.

Siiiiiigh,
Otter

RIP Steve Jobs

 I've never owned a Mac, iPad or iPhone (though I use my mom's iPhone once in awhile), but the death of a true visionary who had such strong influence on the world came quite a shock to me and my friends.

 One of my friends, Cass, announced his death to us while surfing the net at the school library. We didn't want to believe her until she showed us the web page.

AKSJDVFIO;GVJIOJDO

This is nearly the same shock I felt upon learning that Michael Jackson died.

 While we contemplated his death, one of my friends wondered if his coffin will be fashioned like an iPhone, along with the "slide to unlock" feature if you want to see Steve.

LOL-ing,
Awkward Turtle

I Miss You Terribly.

Sigh. This loneliness is seriously eating me inside...

I miss Blue Fox like crazy but I know he's super busy, tired and all of that. I just want to hear his voice again and have conversations like we use to but I know he'd be too tired for that.

I feel so lonely that I could cry... I just want to dig a hole in the bed, cover it with blankets, build a pillow fortress and just stay inside and just hibernate and not think of anything else.

I have nothing to distract me or keep me busy thus the reason why I want to keep on talking to Blue Fox but I don't want to seem like a bother. :(

I really don't know what to do...

Work out? Sigh.

Depressed,
Otter

Depression

I give up on my delusional love life.

Maybe I like him so much that I imagined our chemistry together.

Meh.


On the rocks,
Awkward Turtle

LOL, I miss you. SAD.

Me: (hugs Blue Fox)
Blue Fox: You are so spoiled! (laughs)
Me: What? You're mine, I can hug you all I want...
Blue Fox: Nope. Not unless you don't get your running shoes by tomorrow...
Me: What? That's unfair!
Blue Fox: Mwahahahaha...

I love you,
Otter

PS: I got it by the due date so, yeah. He and his heart is mine.

Finally, updates!

I don't even know where to begin...

Hours before I left Maryland, Blue Fox was arguing with his roommate on how I would get to the airport, but his roommate was saying that if he does drop me off, I have to pay $50! Which I don't have enough if I'm going to be traveling on my own. Since that wasn't going to happen, he basically told me to take the damn bus! I had to wake up at 5am just for this. Blue Fox can't drop me off at the airport because at 5am, he has to get ready for ROTC. And yes, he can't get off that because since he slacked so much last semester, he almost got kicked out and he really wants this so he's trying to show commitment. I was sad that I had to leave. So, we both woke up together and before I was going to leave, he hugged me. A really long hug and I told him, "Don't worry, I'm coming back~" and he said, "Mhm, just fix all the things you need to first..." and he also told me to text and call often. Sigh.

The night before I left, as well, I asked him to tell me how he feels because apparently, he's not telling me and he didn't want to express it because he feels weak but I got it out of him.

Serendipity/Destiny

 Yesterday, I was bored off my ass so I decided to look up my friends' numerology charts. As I was comparing my chart with Hottie's, he texted me out of the blue. He said he found my sketchpad at the school's art department library.

GOOD GOD. I didn't even realize it was missing 'til he told me!

Then I remembered that I was at that library with Aslan, and I was making notes with my sketchpad, and I must've left it in my hurry to catch the train with Spam. So I was thrilled to my toes that it was Hottie who spotted it, of all people! He said he found it on one of the book carts. Which is weird coz most people usually put stuff at the Lost & Found department. He even added, "it's funny coz I told myself it looked familiar." So he asked me if it was alright he'll keep my sketchpad so he could give it to me next time we meet up.

Of course he can! You know what else he could keep?? My heart!!

Swimming in lily pad 9,
Awkward Turtle