Finally, updates!

I don't even know where to begin...

Hours before I left Maryland, Blue Fox was arguing with his roommate on how I would get to the airport, but his roommate was saying that if he does drop me off, I have to pay $50! Which I don't have enough if I'm going to be traveling on my own. Since that wasn't going to happen, he basically told me to take the damn bus! I had to wake up at 5am just for this. Blue Fox can't drop me off at the airport because at 5am, he has to get ready for ROTC. And yes, he can't get off that because since he slacked so much last semester, he almost got kicked out and he really wants this so he's trying to show commitment. I was sad that I had to leave. So, we both woke up together and before I was going to leave, he hugged me. A really long hug and I told him, "Don't worry, I'm coming back~" and he said, "Mhm, just fix all the things you need to first..." and he also told me to text and call often. Sigh.

The night before I left, as well, I asked him to tell me how he feels because apparently, he's not telling me and he didn't want to express it because he feels weak but I got it out of him.

Me: How do you feel?
Him: How do you think I feel?
Me: I feel like you're not as upset as I am...
Him: You don't think I'm upset?
Me: Yeah, because I'm freaking out here and you're just... There.
Him: Well, I am. I am upset but I can't get upset because I have a lot of things to do and once I feel upset, I can't work as good as I want to but I am upset.

And I asked him if he still wanted to be with me even if I'm gone, and he said, "Uh, yeah~ Why do you ask such simple questions?" and I asked if he could wait for me and he said, "I think so. Yeah. I think I can." but he playfully ended up fighting.

Me: Are you going to miss me?
Him: No.
Me: What?!
Him: (giggles) Nope.
Me: I'm going to miss you a lot and you're not going to miss me?
Him: Hahaha, nope!
Me: Ohmygod, fine. (turns around, facing the other side of the bed)
Him: (turns around and hovers my body and whispers) I'm going to miss you so so so so so much...

(heart melts)

Now, I'm in LA and sad. I'm far away from him again and I hate it. Since him and I can't really talk because he's so busy with school, ROTC and work... We can't find the time to talk as often. And school just started... I can't imagine how it'll be later. He's just going to get busier and busier.

I'm in LA, taking care of an old mother; helping her shower, eat and prepare food. And make sure that she doesn't spill or trip around the house. All that for $600; free food, free room and whatnot. Great. I get it. Now, can I see my boyfriend for another weekend? Sigh.

I'm trying to suck it up, work out and try to make time go by faster but it's just that since I don't have my heart in this, it's harder to get by. But when Blue Fox said, "It's not like you're going to be gone forever. You're going to come back... If you don't, I'll come find you." and that he can wait for me, still wants to be with me and all that... I'm using that as hope.

But I miss him terribly. I really do... I have one of his shirts and I place it over this large pillow I have, and I hug it when I sleep so it's like he's kind of there with me. Minus the twitching, snoring and sleep-talking. But sadly, I miss all that.

I miss his twitching, snoring and sleep-talking. I miss him kissing me in the morning before he leaves and when he comes back, I miss it when he just farts out of no where (even though I hate farting) and I miss it when he use to wrap his arm around me when he sleeps or when he smells my hair when I'm sleeping. I miss his clothes just being around the floor (even though I hate messy rooms, unfolded clothes and dirty laundry on the floor) and I miss his untidiness (even though I'm a clean freak)... Siiiiiiiigh. I miss hearing him say he loves me, misses me and I miss our play fights.

Me: I give you all the kisses you want!
Him: (laughs) Ohmygod, no you don't! You're such a liar!
Me: I may not give it to you when you ask for it, but I do give it to you minutes later.
Him: But I want it now!
Me: No.
AH: See! You DON'T give me all the kisses I want! You're a liar! You don't even listen to me!
Me: What? Yes I do! I listen to you all the time!
AH: Ooooh, no you don't! How about the time when you tried to bluetooth pictures on my phone, I told you that wouldn't work and told you to stop and just come to bed but you still did it anyway. And when I told you to come to bed a couple times, you said 'no' because I was rushing you and you purposely came to bed really late. You weren't listening to me, you don't listen to me~
Me: You want me to kiss you now?Him: Not anymore~
Me: Well, I'm going to kiss you anyway!
Him: No! (turns away, hides his face)
Me: C'mon, baby~ Look at me! Let me kiss your face!
Him: (giggles) No! I don't kiss liars!
Me: Oh, c'mon~ (tries to turn him around) Look at me!
Him: (giggles) No!
Me: Give me your face already! (takes his face and kisses him)
Him: I feel violated. I feel like you just raped me.
Me: By your girlfriend.
Him: (kisses me) Better you than anyone else.

Sigh. Baby~ I'm coming soon. Please wait for me...

Being in this house, all by myself all over again makes me sad but I'm trying really hard to keep myself busy, try to work out and get a rockin' body that Blue Fox will drool over AGAIN the next time I come visit or come back. ;)

But really, being here with no one to really talk to makes me sad however, I'm going to try and wait it out enough to get my money so I can buy my own laptop. And then we'll see how that goes.

I'm falling more and more in love with him... I don't think I can stop here.