WOOH BUSY WOOH

Sorry I haven't been blogging as much as I should. I've been preparing and gone through Philippine Model United Nations Week. Basically, it's a simulation of a real United Nations: we're all divided into different committess, each of us representing a country and all we do is talk, debate, talk, debate until we come up with resolution papers to be presented at the final assembly regarding current international concerns or issues.

So this is the second time I've attended the simulation and it still confirms that I'm really not cut out to be a diplomat in the future because I REALLY hate anything that requires a lot of talking and debating and sitting around trying not to get on each other's nerves. Yes, it's romantic that we're all for international peace but reality is diplomacy is just a graceful way of protecting your country's interest while trying to appear- I dunno- unhypocritical?


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Also, I did the darndest thing last week.

Wapwap texted me: So are you game for Komikon (national Comic Convention usually held somewhere in Manila) tomorrow?
Me: Dunno yet. I'm kinda broke.
....
Me: Wait, is the author of the graphic novel "Elmer" gonna be there?
Wapwap: Of course!
Me: Hold a sec.

I text Hottie: Hey, can I borrow your copy of Elmer tomorrow?
Hottie: Sure! Just tell me what time.

To make a loooong story short, Hottie suspected nothing as he lent me his copy of Elmer the next day.  I went to Pasig, met up with Wapwap there at Komikon, looked for the author (who is also recognized abroad as well), and have him autograph it.

 When I gave Hottie back his newly-autographed copy of Elmer, he didn't want to believe me at first! It was a good thing my friend Wapwap took a picture of the author signing his copy. I uploaded it on his fb wall and he was like "WOW!"

I'm totally convinced I'd make a fabulous girlfriend for anyone.

Awkward Turtle

New Living Conditions and Boys.

Best friend's boyfriend moved back into our apartment. Now, I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm not that awkward about it... But, they are in a relationship and I'm the third wheel and we're living in a studio apartment so things are crowded and also, he brought his "plants" aka weed and is growing it in a big ass tent in our bedroom and now they're smoking some and our place smells like weed. Lol.

I wonder how this new living condition's going to be...

Blue Fox, well... I still miss him. And tomorrow's Thanksgiving, I'm thinknig of sending him something.

And... I have two more dates and it's not with Licorice. I have one date with a nice fellow named Jell-O and Ravioli.

But Jell-O finally opened his feelings and said that he'd like to be with me... Sigh.

"I don't know how you can be mad cute, pretty, gorgeous, smart, independent, have good cooking skills and still be single like damn. Like, seriously? Do you think I got a chance? I know you're out of my league but still... I think if you gave me the chance and all, I'll work extra hard for it. I believe you're worth fighting for..."

Oh, Blue Fox. I wish you knew how many guys are trying to cop me right now...

Effing come back you jerk-y a-hole! T_T

Otter Cruz Is At It Again.

Uh-oh, my cousin Otter Cruz is at it again... Look what he said!

"WANTED: A young lady to keep this guy warm at night. Heat is expensive, I don't like wearing sweats, I refuse to hold my dog, and alcohol doesn't warm me up. Non-PYTs need not apply.

Also, out of towners are welcome...just not for too long."

LOL. Sigh. Why do my cousins write such dorky things?

More and more jobs. Sigh.

So, Farmer Brothers ran out of applications. Sigh. I'll try again next week or something.

Today, I went to University Ave./University Village to check out other places that I haven't tried yet. Sigh. I really need something right now... I need money.

Places that I've already applied to:
Jack In The Box
Bakers
K-Mart
Rubios
Yoshinoya
FatBurger

Pending Places/Applications:
Ranch One
Quiznos
Farmers Bros.

Need To Apply Online:
Subway
Starbucks
Juice It Up

No Application; Need A Resume:
Sushiya

Not Hiring At The Moment:
Stater Brothers
Flame Broiler
Busy Cafe
Teriyaki Bowl
Ray's Pizza
Mediterranean Palace

Jobs, jobs and more jobs.

Yesterday was a productive day, I went out to find a job. I walked around and tried to apply, all the little stores that I tried were not hiring because since they're a small business, they don't need a lot of people.

So I dropped by Bakers (a fast food place) and Jack In The Box and asked for an application. I filled it out and went on to the next place~ I tried Subway and Starbucks but they all said that you need to do it online. K-Mart does that too... I even tried Stater Brothers (a grocery store) but they said that when they hire, they will post up a sign and you get an interview on the spot but they aren't looking for anyone at the moment. Sigh.

So today, I'll go to K-Mart and do a computer application at the store. And then I'll come home and apply for Subway and Starbucks.

After leaving Stater Brothers with honey, sesame seeds and pumpkin pie, I come home and Emily's still studying. And as a lovely best friend of 15 years, I decided to make dinner again. This time: Korean dinner! I've made her grilled salmon with lemon-herb wild rice and this time, I made her bulgogi-lettuce wraps. She loved it! I'm so happy.

TAKE THAT, BLUE FOX. I CAN COOK. Now, schedule our cooking competition.

Actually, I should be getting ready to look for more jobs. I'll try K-Mart and Farmer Brothers. Hahahaha.

Talk to you later!

- Otter

It Rings In My Ears All The Time.

Kitty: You and Blue Fox. I knew it. I so knew it~ I knew you two would be perfect with each other, I just knew it. It was just in a matter of time... I deserve a pat on the back~ Mmm, Mrs. Blue Fox. That has a really nice ring to it, don't you think?

Sometimes, when you leave for your classes and all the roommates are gone, I slip into your Army ACU's and think about all the things that you wanted us to do in our lives, thinking about all the things you said about us having babies, how much you love and care for me, how you love that I'm now in your life, you being there for me 'always and forever' and how you'll always be by my side. I remember all the promises that I've made and you know that I'd always keep it. You know that I'll always be here for you no matter what...

People had really high hopes and knew that we were perfect for each other... Well, Blue Fox and I already knew that but it was nice to know that people thought so too.

As much as I have Licorice around, I still want Blue Fox. Licorice and I talk almost every day, especially before we sleep but before I fall asleep, I'm thinking about Blue Fox. I wake up to the thought of him and I sleep with the thought of him... As sad as some people say it is, I'm still waiting. I know a lot of people don't want me to and want me to move on even with doubts, I'm still waiting. I'm keeping myself busy by finding a job, being around Emily and Astro and having company such as Licorice but in my heart, I'm still waiting.

"Don't call or text until I do..." is the only thing that's keeping me going. Unless he's a complete fob, he won't know what this means but since he's obviously not, it'll happen... Eventually. Sigh, I don't know.

Emily: I really do have a lot of faith in you and Blue Fox, I really do!

Sigh. I'm still waiting...

Context

 About a week ago, at the dance studio, I asked one of the owners, Meera, how her little girl was doing because her daughter had a fever for two days now and she took her to the hospital just to make sure it wasn't anything serious. She had her daughter vaccinated as well.

Daughter: (in tears) You told me it wouldn't hurt! You lied to me!

Meera: I didn't say that! I said you'd live through it!

ROFL-ing,
Awkward Turtle

GRAH.

 Yesterday, my cellphone got stolen at the LRT. I'm pretty sure because I was listening to music through my phone while I was at the platform. When the train arrived, I placed my phone inside my bag and boarded.
By the time I got to school, I looked for my phone because my school ID was in the cellphone casing with it. That's when I realized.... FUCKITNIGGABITCHASSHOLE my phone's GONE!

So I was depressed the whole day because my mom bought me that phone as a birthday gift and it's the type of phone I've been wanting so bad for several months. ARGH. Totally heartbreaking.

At least it's an excuse for me to not text Hottie. Hohohoho.

So now I gotta save up for a new phone now.

Rolling in the deep,
Awkward Turtle

Toilets Are Not My Hobby.

Me: Sorry, our toilet's a little noisy...
Licorice: Yeah, a bit. It's a little annoying.
Me: We tried to have someone fix it yesterday but they didn't come.
Licorice: Let me check it.
(Tries to take a look...)
Licorice: Yeeeeah, I don't know.
Me: HAHA, it's alright.
Licorice: (lays down)
Me: You know, I think our toilet's like a self-flushing toilet.
Licorice: Haha, what? Why?
Me: Because yesterday, I took one square of toilet paper and threw it in the toilet. Two minutes later, it's gone. And you can see the running water push the toilet paper to the back and it's like flushing without really flushing!
Licorice: (laughs out loud)
Me: Don't laugh! It's not like I do this as a hobby! I was just checking the toilet!
Licorice: (laughs out loud)
Me: What's so funny?!
Licorice: Just the way you said it... (laughs)

Licorice, IHOP and Gray Areas.

Yesterday was 11/11/11, I thought it was cute. But since it's been almost six weeks since Blue Fox and I spoke, I decided to text him an inside joke... Knowing that we haven't talked this long, I knew I couldn't expect anything but there was a little bit of hope that he would send me something.

Where art thou love life?

 Newsflash: Panda is dating someone. I dunno who and I don't really care. I'm just glad he's preoccupied with something else aside from his computer games.

And nothing new with Hottie. Just our usual gratitude updates. Then again, I'm the one who has to keep initiating it. Siiiiiiggggghhhhhh.

Where art thou love life?

Awkward Turtle

The Date Aftermath.

So my date with Licorice was pretty good, I actually had a great time.
The end.

Paycheck and Licorice.

So, I got paid today and I’m suppose to celebrate, right? Wrong!

Since I am suppose to get $600/month, this tweaker decides to give me $366 and what’s her reason? A deduction of my plane ticket!

OHMYGOD, WHAT THE PISS! SHE DIDN’T EVEN PAY FOR THE DAMN PLANE TICKET! HER BROTHER DID! (who’s my mother’s sister’s husband)

… I knew it. I knew this family was greedy as (beep)~ Ugh! Conniving (beep)! And the deal from the beginning was that I’m going to get $600 a month and my mother already discussed with the brother-in-law and the whole family that the plane ticket will not be deducted from the $600! SO WHY THE (beep) DO I STILL HAVE LESS THAN $600?!

Seriously?! (beep) $366?! That’s only 60% of my actual pay! Such a (beep) rip off! I USE TO MAKE $600 IN LESS THAN A WEEK AND NOW THIS IS JOB IS MONTHLY! GIVE ME MY FULL $600!

Yes, I don’t care nor have any concern for your mother. I know that you’re fully aware that your mother is a grumpy old (beep) and you say you understand where I’m coming from but I know you don’t. You keep pressuring me to do everything your mother wants me to do even though it’s not in the job description and you tell me that I have to do things ‘voluntarily’ for her. You’re such an idiot, do you not know what ‘voluntarily’ means? I’ll volunteer when I feel the need to and with your mother, she sure as Hell doesn’t deserve it.

I hope she chokes to death or drops to the floor again!

Ugh! I hate these people, always have and always will. They did nothing but horrible (beep) to my family but I still had to do this for the sake of money. Sigh~ Oh, money… Why do you have to be so important?

I’m trying to leave tomorrow or Monday to live in with my best friend. Hopefully, I can get a ride to Riverside soon. Sigh, I can’t be stressed right now… I have a date coming by in less than an hour and I need to eat something since I skipped breakfast, I also need to get ready and (beep).

UGH! I don’t even know if I want to go now because I’ll miss AH~ ㅠㅠ

Scratch that. Actually, wait. No. Don’t. Only because it’s true but I’ll still go because one, it’s a nice dinner date in Long Beach with Licorice. So, I’ll suck it up, go and be a good girl.

Sigh.

Otter Has A Date With...

Just when I wanted to run today, it rains. Then it stops, then I decided to go out and buy pizza, buffalo wings, some alcohol and just chill at home freezing my ass off... And then what happens? It rains again. So, I suck it up like a boss and walk in the rain with no umbrella and no coat. Um, BADASS? Yeah.

I wore my Navy PT uniform. (Thanks, dad) and walked in the rain and it was like, 48°F! Just breathing made fog come out of my mouth. But I sucked it up and did it...

I walked, bought pizza and buffalo wings at Papa Johns, some soda, some liquor and a few sticks of Slim Jims. Mmmm, perfect. And then I walk back home...

And then, I get a text from Licorice - Orange's high school friend - and he textes me about wanting to have dinner with me on Saturday night... Well, more like 4~4:30pm...

I asked what we'd be doing and where we're going so I can dress accordingly but of course, it's a secret because he's planning it. This is one of the reasons why I hate surprises.

I don't know what to wear!

So yes, heartbroken little Otter is going on a date with a nice boy named Licorice. But in my heart, there's nothing more than I want than to go on a date with Blue Fox... Since Blue Fox has never brought a girl out on a date before, I want to be the first. And hello, I'm still-kinda the girlfriend... Sigh.

I know that it's not fair for Licorice but... I love Blue Fox. Always and forever. I'm doing this just as a small dinner date, to get to know him, make a new friend and see what happens but I'm sure that I'll be thinking about Blue Fox the whole night there.

Update! Nevermind, I now know where it is... It's at a casual-elegant restaurant in Long Beach called "Tantalum"... Sounds like tantrum. (HAHA)

((( http://www.tantalumrestaurant.com/ )))

Now... I'm freaking out even more. I NEED TO FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR!

Sigh. What am I going to wear?!?! I haven't been to an casual-elegant restaurant in a long time! Hmmmm...

This is making me feel even more sad... Because there are guys out there who are wanting me, waiting for me, want to bring me on dates, want to be my boyfriend and there are two guys that plan on wanting to make me their wifey... HUGE SIGH. Even though I have all these guys around me, I only look at Blue Fox; I only think of him, see him, love him. Sometimes I wish he knew how lucky he was... I know that he said that he was happy that I was with him and would be by his side and I know deep down he knows how lucky he is but he jokes that I should be the happier one because he's "perfect"... Well, sorry to break it to you Blue Fox but I'm perfect too. I just wish you knew how even more perfect we would be together IF ONLY we got through this rough patch...

Licorice is bringing me to a nice casual-elegant restaurant. See what kind of competition that Blue Fox has? But yet, somehow he wins me over with Asian mandarin salads for lunch and makes me some weird sausage-egg-jelly/jam sandwich with soggy-ish bread.

I just wish he knew...

STILL WONDERING WHAT TO WEAR,
Otter

.................. F*ck.

Seven hours ago, it was 5am. I just fell asleep for less than three hours...

Then my phone rings...

I pick it up and see that it's Blue Fox.

WHAT THE F*CK? BLUE FOX? (picks up)

(at this point I'm excited that he called because that gave me hope...)

"Hello?", I said.

(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)

"Hello?", I said again.

(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)

… My heart is racing, I’m nervous and I stay on the phone for two minutes, listening to him giggle at what his friend said while they’re walking and I realized that his phone is in his pocket again and it called me. This happened three or more times before and we were still talking to each other so I know that he wasn’t trying to be mean but… Sigh. It made me even more depressed that his phone called me and not him… I was hoping it was him.

I hung up the phone, retreated deeper into my bed, buried myself in my pillow fortress and tried crying myself to sleep but I just ended up… Crying.

I just really wanted it to be him, not his fucking pocket… And I keep crying about it because I was excited at 5am, thinking there was fucking hope. Crying at night and crying in the morning fucking hurts because the only person I want to talk to isn’t around; I can’t call, I can’t text, I can’t IM, I can’t do shit and it hurts… But why do I still have to strength to wait? I feel like I’m slowly losing hope but why do I still have hope?

I’m scared he’ll never call me again and I’m scared he won’t forgive me…

When I got the call, I picked up happy with my heart thumping through my chest and I was happy to hear his voice but I hung up, crying… Knowing that he didn’t know he called me and that I was staying on the line feeling happy. I hung up because he wasn’t aware…

Sigh, and here I go again… ㅠㅠ

Waiting, Missing, Understanding.

Half of me feels hallow and sad and the other half of me still has hope and strength to wait.

I understand that he’s busy; school, ROTC, work, friends. And I understand why he withdrew from me because of my rare moments of neediness.

I know that he was going through a situation that was tough for him… Juggling me, over school, work, ROTC, sleep and everything else in between, I admit that it could have been too much for him. Thus, why he withdrew…

Not-Much-Of-An-Update.

"But I can't read you mind
Not this time...
I just wanna know what you're going through
I don't feel wrong about asking you
But I can't read your mind
Not this time...

There are times when you don't wanna say
That there are problems in your head that you can't explain... I have been that way.
Baby there's a hunger, a kiss or two
But not forever do
If only I'd reach you..."

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I know that I haven't been updating as much as I use to... I'm sorry. I just wish I could squeeze my thoughts onto here like a sponge but I feel like the thoughts in my head are spewing out faster than my fingers can type and it can't keep up. There's a lot on my mind and I can't seem to type it all because I end up losing motivation to do so. Sigh.

However, don't fret... I'll get to it. Actually, I think I'll be able to have the motivation later in the morning (it's currently 2:53AM) so I'll sleep - hopefully I don't cry tonight - and in the morning, I'll do a little updating.

Thank you, Turtle for making me cry with the "One and Only" song. Sigh.

I had a feeling that Hottie liked you but that's good that he didn't start anything with you since he's really busy and stuff. I'm glad but at the same time, I know how much you would want to start something with him already... But don't worry, there will be a chance for you and Hottie to get together and make some cute artistic babies. I can't wait!

Sincerely,
Otter

One and Only

This song is for me and Otter.

OTTER! I nearly cried when I listened to this.

Thanks to Spam who recommended this.

Awkward Turtle

Hottie Oh Hottie

Last Friday, it was our friend Cupcake's birthday, so drinks were on her. 

 Everyone was there, including Spam, JB, Spencer and Panda.

 Hottie was suppose to be there but the theater group had rehearsals- and with him being stage manager, he couldn't afford to skip it. Siiigh. Then again it would be reeeeally weird if both of my crushes would be there. I wouldn't know which one I wanna sit beside with.

 When I heard Panda was coming, I turned to his cousin who was seated beside me and I said, "MOVE!"

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 During the drinking session, there was one point that Hottie's best friend, Van, was seated beside me. And I was like, "so, how's your friend?"

"You mean Hottie? He told me he likes boys now." Van laughs. Of course they were just kidding around. Then Van told me that there's this girl who is also crushing on Hottie and has been pulling off a couple of moves on him but Hottie doesn't like her.

"Coz the only moves he likes are mine!" I said. I think I've had a couple too much shots already. LOL. Anyway, I told Van that I'm hopeless because Hottie likes someone else.  And he was like, "oh no, he's not crushing on her anymore coz he saw something in her he didn't really like." I didn't ask for details as I took a swig of Red Horse. Then Van added, "The thing is, Hottie likes you too, but he doesn't want to enter into a relationship right now because he's really busy this term."

 I just nodded, thinking how he's maintaining his scholarship for the rest of his college days by taking up his responsibilities at the Cultural affairs department. Sucks vacuums.

I need a drink.

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 The day after, I was texting Hottie and I told him "I heard you were gaaaaaaay!"

 So of course now he's out to kill Van. 

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Two days ago, Spam was on her way to the train station just in front of the school when she saw Hottie at the bookstore. She went to him and teased him, "I hears that you like Turtle!" 

Hottie was like, "what?? WHO told you?? It was Van, wasn't it?? That guy talks too much, I swear! He's such a blabber...."

Gushing so much it hurts,

Awkward Turtle