Seven hours ago, it was 5am. I just fell asleep for less than three hours...
Then my phone rings...
I pick it up and see that it's Blue Fox.
WHAT THE F*CK? BLUE FOX? (picks up)
(at this point I'm excited that he called because that gave me hope...)
"Hello?", I said.
(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)
"Hello?", I said again.
(rustling sounds, male friend talking, Blue Fox replying)
… My heart is racing, I’m nervous and I stay on the phone for two
minutes, listening to him giggle at what his friend said while they’re
walking and I realized that his phone is in his pocket again
and it called me. This happened three or more times before and we were
still talking to each other so I know that he wasn’t trying to be mean
but… Sigh. It made me even more depressed that his phone called me and
not him… I was hoping it was him.
I hung up the phone, retreated
deeper into my bed, buried myself in my pillow fortress and tried
crying myself to sleep but I just ended up… Crying.
I just really
wanted it to be him, not his fucking pocket… And I keep crying about it
because I was excited at 5am, thinking there was fucking hope. Crying
at night and crying in the morning fucking hurts because the only person
I want to talk to isn’t around; I can’t call, I can’t text, I can’t IM,
I can’t do shit and it hurts… But why do I still have to strength to
wait? I feel like I’m slowly losing hope but why do I still have hope?
I’m scared he’ll never call me again and I’m scared he won’t forgive me…
When
I got the call, I picked up happy with my heart thumping through my
chest and I was happy to hear his voice but I hung up, crying… Knowing
that he didn’t know he called me and that I was staying on the line
feeling happy. I hung up because he wasn’t aware…
Sigh, and here I go again… ㅠㅠ
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Nomnomnom clams and pellets.