Everyone's Sick!

Everyone's sick. (except me) Emily and her boyfriend both have the flu, but Emily is experiencing the worst symptoms and it's kind of scaring me... Lol. And Astro and Quazi are also starting to have diarrhea again. -_-

The only body pain that I'm feeling is from the PT. That one really kicked me. HAHA! But other than that, I'm not sick. I rarely do get sick so I'm good but I worry that I might because everyone else is sick and I don't have medical insurance and money to even pay for any of it. So, I must stay away!

GAH! My thighs and calves hurt~ I feel like I have to waddle around the house or waddle wherever I go now.

Apart from the sick side, PB and I are talking again... Well, we've been talking for a while and it seems like we're starting over (but then again, we've started over a million times before) but it's nice to be able to talk to him. And Ryan, well, I don't know. We're talking but we're not on the same page... Plus, my mom's kind of right. He's "married" and has a child. And when I say "married", I mean "domestic partnership". Lol. But since they live in Montana, domestic partnership and tax-sharing is considered married, they just haven't legalized it or whatever but still, my mom's somewhat right. Although it's kind of hard because Ryan's mom and I talk and of course her being a mom, she gets all gushy about this whole kindergarten-Japan-love story and absolutely hates Haley. (Ryan's ex-girlfriend; baby mama) but she loves me to death. So when we talk, she always brings up that Ryan's in love with me and his brother even thinks that we should be together and get married but... It's kind of hard when someone you've always loved has a child by some other girl. (who's obviously an unfit mother) and then when you're together, you have to, I guess, deal with the child as well. I don't know, I find it awkward. I mean, I love kids but... I don't know if I can be with someone who already has a child.

Am I shallow?

But whatever it is, it doesn't matter too much to me because I'm still hanging on to Blue Fox. I know I shouldn't because I should be focusing on what I'm currently doing right now but I just can't seem to let go. I still dream of him, smell him when I shower, when I work out or when I was at PT, I still thought of him. It's like, every time I stop for a moment, I think of him but I know I cannot dwell on it. But it's just so hard because I'm still in love with Blue Fox but I have PB wanting to start over with me and trying to get me to be his girlfriend again and then I have Ryan who's always telling me that he loves me, wants me to go all the way to freaking Montana to see him and all this drama.

But in reality, I just want Blue Fox. Meh.

Waddle waddle,
Otter