Mormon's Sunday Testimony.

So lately, I've been hanging out with my Mormon friends and I've been consecutively attending church for the last two weeks and been attending the classes and other activities.

(Btw, I feel so under-dressed compared to them.)

And yesterday, Joe, Mrs. Davis (Sister Davis) and I arrived late because we had to pick Joe up from his house. So we missed the "Sacrament Meeting" or something like that. But we were able to go in sometime in the middle. When we came in, it was time for some people to "bear their testimonies" and it's where they express certain hardships and how God has helped them get through it by presenting them with "blessings". And so everyone was slowly going up there and saying what they wanted to say (sometimes it wasn't about total hardships but more of commitments and promises that they will keep) and then Joe decides to go up.

Joe goes up the stage and talks behind the panel... And he already starts to choke up.

He starts off with a story that he came across the other day about a bush and a master gardener.

"I wanted to bear my testimony today... I know I should be doing this more often than I do. Anyway, I know that we all go through hardships and I know I've come across many that I don't see why I deserve but I came across a story the other day and it was about a bush and a master gardener. It was a small bush but it was healthy and doing what it's suppose to do but it was in between all the tall trees and bigger bushes. Then the master gardener comes out and plans to chop down the bush. The bush says to the gardener, "Why are you going to chop me down? I'm just doing what you wanted me to do..." and the master gardener said, "I know but I have bigger plans for you." and after reading that story, I realized that God is our master gardener. He brings us one way then takes it away and puts us on another path we don't want to be on. Sometimes, I get angry. I pray and tell God that I'm only doing what he wanted me to do. Why take it away? Why take away what I've done and present me something else? I was only doing what I know is right and what I know is the way. And while I was angry at God, I read this story... That God is our master gardener and gives us things that we may not want but it's for the best..."

And to see a huge Samoan guy, choke up on stage was really hard to see but the way that he said that testimony on stage actually got me to tear (hardcore) in church. And I NEVER cry in church. Actually, I very rarely go to church in the first place so for me to tear in church was something big.

While I was listening to his testimony, I was reflecting on the things that I've gone through since 2008~ Everything from then was either utter disappointment or sheer happiness. It was one or the other but every time I felt happiness, it was taken away from me. (Ohmygod, I'm choking up right now as I write this) and I always cursed at the world, cursing at people, cursing at everything. Why me? I live an honorable life, I don't hurt people, I don't disrespect anyone, I follow my parents rules, I do what I can for my community and I'm doing what I have to do in life. Why am I experiencing such difficulty? Why did Blue Fox have to be taken away from me? Why did it take so long for the Air Force to keep moving? Why can't I have this? Why can't I do this? Do that? Go there? I was losing hope...

And then after Joe bared his testimony... I just felt like I was crumbling down in my seat.

I use to be the kind of person who never really believed so much in God. I was the kind of kid who always thought that if there is, there is. If there isn't, as long as I lived my life honorable then I'll die peacefully. I never really put in much thought into it. But as I was sitting in my seat, hearing this testimony that is making me cry like a baby (on the inside), there was something in me... Some kind of feeling... It was mixed emotions. It was a feeling that was trying to comfort me but it was allowing me to be angry. I really wanted to scream because as days go by, it just gets harder it gets for me. I try. I try really hard to move forward but at the end of the day, I cannot help but curse at the universe. What is this?

Sigh. But it was a good day though.

Sniff,
Otter