What's Wrong With Otter?

I've noticed with the guys that I've dated, I'm always the one that ends up being tossed aside. There was only one occasion where there was a mutual break up (it ended well, we're still friends. One of those rare things too) and there's one where we were just always missing our chance to be together so it ended up not working out.

On most of the relationships, it would either be it stops during the dating process or it fails when or shortly before it reaches three years. Maybe it's because when you've reached three years, that's the moment where you start and think about whether the relationship ends right then and there or goes further to something more serious, i.e. marriage. Don't look at me like that, that's what the experts said... I'm just assuming.


But what I find slightly amusing is that the last three relationships I've had that ended terribly, ended up having me being alone and the former boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with end up getting married. Yes. I'm serious.  The slightly tall, gangly "goth-wannabe" Christian boy cheated on me twice and I found out about the second girl on my own and they were together behind my back. Two years later, they decided to get married. The kinder-crush, a relationship of three years, and the boy that I'm talking about from my Facebook Note "My 25¢ Engagement Ring"... Ended up being engaged (soon to wed) to someone else and had a child together. And lastly, the African-American, Spanish and white gorgeous boy who is 70% my type... It was a good relationship but it ended up him meeting up with his old girlfriend and they got engaged.

It's kind of funny, kind of like a chuckling moment. But it makes me think... Is there something wrong with me? -- Ha, but it's silly because I know there's nothing wrong with me.

I was raised in a military family; I'm disciplined and I follow instructions and rules down to a tee. I'm officially enlisted in the US Air Force on DEP. I'm a clean person and take hygiene seriously. I work hard, I earn my own money, I don't depend on someone to take care of me, I do all the chores myself. I've never failed in school before (except in college, I failed one subject), I worked and went to school at the same time, I'm humble and I'm not materialistic. I don't smoke (that includes hookah and shisha), drink or do drugs (never did), I eat healthy, I'm athletic, I play lacrosse, rugby, track and I love all sports, I'm an outdoorsy kind of person, I was on the dance team, I love meeting new people, I cook and bake, I clean, I make time for those who need me (and that includes the boyfriend), I'm trustworthy, I'm honest (it's extremely hard for me to lie except if it has a surprise party involved), I'm caring, I'm sometimes too open, I'm loving, and to be honest, I'm pretty cute. I speak three languages and currently refreshing myself on Mandarin Chinese and re-learning French, I know ASL, I'm an ESL tutor, I was a TA for the Special Ed class, I volunteer at shelters (humans and pets) and every Christmas, instead of receiving presents, I give food and presents to poor/homeless families, I volunteer at senior homes, I'm an avid environmentalist and animal rights activist, I don't kill anything bigger than a cockroach, I love reading, music (1930s ~ now), I currently work with a company as a web designer and entry writer and currently looking for two more jobs... I respect my parents even though they're assholes most of the time. Even if I'm the only child, I still work for what I want and what I deserve, I'm not spoiled, I'm not arrogant, I'm a well-rounded person, I'm not nor was I ever pregnant at one point, I'm not the kind to give into peer pressure, I didn't have the best childhood, I know what it's like to live in debt, not knowing how to get food on the table, I know what it's like to survive on Salvation Army goods and I've been through Hell and back... And even through that, I'm still optimistic, positive and a happy person.

And in a relationship, I'm not clingy, I give space (if you want to hang out with the boys, go ahead), I'm forgiving, honest, loyal, trustworthy, loving, always concerned (but not overly-concerned where it gets annoying), I'm an open person... Etc, etc. I do what guys do and sometimes, I do it better. That's all.

Now, you tell me what's wrong with me.

Can't find anything right? That's because I'm badass.

I'm almost certain that I'm the one who's always dropped because the guys that I've dated are blind. They're too blind to see how good they got it. Seriously, literally blind people know how amazing I am. I'm not asking for marriage or a family with kids at a young age, I'm not asking too much, I don't ask for gifts nor do I expect flowers every week or lame "I love you" teddy bears or annual heart-shaped chocolates with champaign at a hotel sprinkled with petals that you plucked (which, by the way, you just killed so many flowers)... All I ask is to not be cheated on and to be honest. You lost interest in me? Tell me. You no longer love me? Tell me. You found someone? Tell me. What I hate the most is when someone tells me that they want "space" because they're too afraid of ruining a "good girl" like me or I'm too good for them. What the hell does that even mean? I'm too good for you? Isn't that suppose to be a good thing? I suppose it's not good for you because all of you assholes want to settle down with promiscuous white trash that don't have an education nor care for one, or have a stable job and is one of those close-minded freaks...

What is it? Am I boring? Do I embarrass you?

I wonder what it is...

As obvious as it can ever be, I found someone who I really like. As in, really really really really really like. In a way... I'm a little scared. I wonder how he sees me, where I stand, what I am to him, what he's looking for, wondering if I'm his type and this and that... I know I can't make people (especially guys) like me. But just this once... I hope Indigo isn't one of those stupid guys who take me for granted, use me for the time being because they're lonely or because they haven't had a girlfriend in forever and then just leave me for someone who's just half of what I can give when I know I can give so much more.

Lonely yet badass,
Otter