"Yooooooooooo" Blue Fox.

HOLY EFF, BLUE FOX JUST TEXTED ME!

Going back to what I was originally going to say: Here's the thing, it's obvious I still think about Blue Fox. So I think about him when I'm doing something, I think about him when I see something (that would relate to Blue Fox) and I would think about him when I just sit on the floor, doing nothing. I think about him all the time. It's crazy and sometimes, I think to myself if it's bad or if it's a sign.

Him and I do small talk and he still asks me when I'm free to visit that ACN thing-y he's doing. Since I've been busier than I was before, I can't just get up and ask German to drive me there. I need to find a job first of all but I do it just to talk to him... In any form of talking.

But in the back of my mind, I feel like he's using this as an excuse to talk to me. Bubu said that maybe he needs me or wants to talk to me and my best friend thinks he's using it as an excuse to talk to me. So, I don't know what it is because I don't want to assume and get my hopes up but I really hope it's that.

But I do think about him a lot... It hurts, but it's bearable because I'm busy most of the time.

And it wasn't until Sunday, I just felt like... I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry like a little girl.

After church and after break the fast, we all gathered up to help clean the church (since our church doesn't give funds for people to clean it; the members of the church do their part to clean the church themselves) so, we all cleaned and when we're just getting ready to pack up and leave, Sean comes up to me (and he seems to have some interest in me) and he said:

Sean: So your boyfriend... He's in San Diego right?
Otter: Nope, he's in Maryland.
Sean: Ooooh, Maryland, right. Is he from Baltimore?
Otter: Nope, he's from Glen Burnie but studies and lives in Towson.
Sean: Right, right.
Otter: Mhmm.
Sean: Another question, if you don't mind me asking...
Otter: Sure, sure. What is it?
Sean: Do you think he's the one?
Otter: Good question. Ummm. Somewhat, yes?
Sean: Like, 100%? 50/50?
Otter: More like, 60/40.

Meh. So that got me thinking... And I just felt like I really wanted to talk to him and whatnot but I get this impression that he's busy. He's in, out and about with this whole new plan he has going (which I know might fail somewhat, not miserably though) and I know he's just going to go back to school, work and continue on with Army ROTC.

Anywho, since I'm rarely online and Blue Fox keeps messaging me and it takes me forever because I don't go online as much, I messaged him saying, "Sorry I don't go online much but if you need to reach me, here's my number" and this morning, I guess when he logged in, he text me a "Yooooooooooo"

Seriously?

As much as I love you... That was pretty lame. But I still love you.

And I don't know what it was about Sunday but for some reason, people kept hitting up my phone. Whether it was because they missed me, wanted to just talk, confess something or confess something while drinking.

Thebs: I'm drinking with some people and missing some people and I just wanted to text you to say that I miss you and that I wish that we were together.
PB: I love you. I miss you. You're amazing. You're someone that I'd like to marry and you're just perfect. You're everything anyone can ever have.
Ryan: You're amazing. My brother loves you. My mother loves you. I love you. Sometimes I think my mother loves you more than I do but I love you and sometimes I worry that you'll never get to be mine because of all the things that I got myself into. Even though I know you tell me that you're doing this and that and want me to figure things out for myself first... You just frustrate me sometimes because you're right and I frustrate myself because I fucked up and I can't change any of that. I don't know, I just worry that I'll never be able to have you... Ever.

These are all the people that took me for granted and saw their mistakes years later... Even though I no longer have (or have the right to claim) Blue Fox, I still want to be with him (not surprisingly). Because I every time I come up with a reason why I can't stay, I come up with 10 more reason why I should. With others, it's the opposite. I come up with a reason why I can't stay, but there isn't a reason that's heavy enough to knock that reason out.

Meh,
Otter