Blue Fox and Otter Argued.

Turtle, you just said exactly what Blue Fox just said. (referring to Chatterbox comment)

So, Blue Fox was telling me to buy a ticket, ditch the interview and go there now so last night, we spoke on the phone. And he was upset that I didn't buy the ticket... To be honest, I didn't think he'd ever be THAT upset over me not buying the ticket but apparently, I was wrong.

He kept saying, "Why haven't you bought the ticket yet? What's holding you back? Why are you so worried? Why aren't you listening to me?! You know I'm right but why are you still not listening to what I'm saying... I feel that all this talking is just a waste of time. Didn't you say and promised me that you'd give up everything for me? Why aren't you doing anything? I don't see the point in you going to these interviews, waiting for these jobs to pick you and applying for jobs over there when you can apply over here and get a job over here but at the same time, be with me... I just don't understand why you're still not coming over here. I just don't get it. Don't be so worried, you have to trust me. Think of me as Emily, your best friend that you'd die for... You have trust in her. Why don't you have that trust in me? There's nothing that'll go wrong. You need to take chances, be more confident and have confidence in yourself. I want you here already... Don't make me have second thoughts."

Ffffffff, I hate it when you're right and I hate that you were on the debate team in high school... T_T

When he said "second thoughts", I told him to tell me what they were. I kept trying and trying to get it out of him but he just kept saying, "No. You don't deserve to know. I'm mad now so I'm not going to tell you." and if I tell him to tell me again, he'll just say, "Come here first and then I'll tell you". He said that his second thoughts aren't going to happen but their just thoughts... But I was curious to know.

I didn't think he would be that upset but he kept expressing how I'm not listening to him and how he wants me to be there already and he seemed really, really upset like I felt like he was tearing up because he was so upset.

And then he said, "... I need you."

My heart sank.

"I need you. I want you here... In my arms. But I feel like you don't want to be here as much I want you to be here."

Sigh. I didn't know what else so say that would make him feel better... So I told him to go to sleep and I kept trying to get him to sleep but he just kept on telling me, "I have a feeling that you don't want to talk to me anymore and you are making it sound like I'm the bad guy here..." and I told him that it wasn't the case but he does have PT in the morning and he said, "Don't you remember, during the summer, we talked on the phone until 4am and I only had two hours to sleep for work? Do you remember that, Otter?" and I tried to pretend to not remember but I giggled and he knew I was joking. Then he added, "Now then. Talk to me." but I still told him to go to sleep and he replied, "Even if you hang up on me, I'm still not going to be able to sleep because I'll be too busy thinking of you so what's the point in hanging up now? So talk to me."

It's not like I'm not trying to get there you know? It's just... I don't know. I can't exactly tell my mother that I'll be living in with Blue Fox. I told her that I'll be living with my friend Kitty and I told her that Kitty's current roommate is moving out to move in with her mother and so there's an extra space. Now, my mother said that she didn't want me to go there without having a job but I don't know how that'll work if the places I applied for are wanting to book me an interview but I can't get there because I'm not in the state. And then my mother pitches the thought of how will I pay rent with Kitty. So, I'm trying to covince my mother that when I do go, I'm okay but as a over-protective mother who has only me... Would be hard for her. I know that she'll always be worried but now she's realizing that I'm moving in with people who she doesn't really know. Growing up, it's always been me and my mother struggling at everything together and we only had each other to lean on even though there were times where we hate each others guts... We never had help from my father. Actually, when he tried, it just made everything worse. So when I do move, I want my mother to feel less uneasy about it... I know she'll be worried but it'll be LESS because she knows I'm doing the right thing.

It's just right now... Blue Fox is being impatient. He's tired even though school just started and since we can't talk as often because he has to sleep early for Army ROTC PT every morning... He just wants to be able to be with me when he wants and for me to make him feel better. Trust me, I'm more than wanting to do so...

Blue Fox has all these things planned out for us to do and he's even wanting us to move in together in our own apartment away from his roommates by next Spring (middle~end of second semester) and I'd love that. No doubt~ But, he's just being a little impatient right now and I can clearly understand that.

Sigh. It was heartbreaking to argue with him... I don't mean to and I am sorry but... Uhg. I know he doesn't really understand but I'm trying my best. I am coming though~

Luckily, the conversation ended well. With a little bit of laughs, it was better... And before we hung up, I swear all this arguing felt like it dissappeared for a while.

Otter: Go to sleep.
Blue Fox: Alright. Fine. Goodnight~
Otter: Mmm... Goodnight~
Blue Fox: Wait...
Otter: What?
Blue Fox: (long pause) ... Saranghaeyo. (In Korean: I love you)
Otter: (giggles) Why do you alwa-
Blue Fox: Goodnight~
(Blue Fox hangs up on me)

You're so sly,
Otter