Sigh... Complicated.

Believe it or not, Blue Fox made a promise to his mother that he wouldn't date or be in a relationship while he was in college and he has kept his word to her. And even though there were a lot of girls (and boys) who like him and want to be with him, none of them interest him... So he flirted around and would leave. But that all changed... Until he found me.

He said that when I go there, he'll have to break that because I'm just that special to him but it does make me feel a bit sad, in a way because I don't want him to break it. He's thinking of moving into an apartment in the spring and that's where I move in and we can be together.

But feeling all of this and wanting to have all of this... I'm left confused.

Blue Fox has this school year and next school year until he graduates, after he graduates, he's suppose to do Army active duty and be deployed. However, people are telling him to go to grad school and postpone the duty and Blue Fox was thinking the same thing but since he met me and our plan to move in with each other, his decision has been planted deeper.

But I feel... Like... What if... I break it? (Don't be shocked yet, hear me out) Since I haven't gotten a call from the Air Force, saying anything about booking a job, I'm left somewhat hanging and needing to find work to pass the time. Now, for a while, I've been losing hope in the Air Force in helping me and suddenly feeling the urge to go back to school... I wanted to leave Seattle and move out of here, more so now that I have Blue Fox.

But let's say, I work and work and earn the money then I move in the spring time with him and suddenly, I get a call. They're telling me to leave for basic and all this. I'd have to leave.

Now... This is where I've been feeling a bit worried and completely saddened when I think of it...

My question to Blue Fox is... Do you think you can wait for me?

If the Air Force calls me and I have to leave, do you think you can wait for me? I know it's asking a lot from you... You'll be doing Army stuff too, you have this school year and next school year to finish college and if and when you have to leave me for three years or so for your deployment, I actually can wait for YOU. But I'm afraid that you wouldn't be able to... For me. And I'd lose you.

And I don't want to lose you.

I'm doing this for me and I've worked hard for it and I know you're doing what you're doing for you but at the same time, I'd drop all of it. I know that dropping everything isn't a good idea but I'd so do it... Because I want to be with you, live with you and just... Live my life happily with you.

I love you.

I'm your gumiho (nine-tailed fox), I'll always be by your side, I'll always wait for you, I'll always only look at you, I'll always want to be with you... I'm very, very patient. If I have you in the end, I'll wait for however long it has to take... Just as long as you can do the same and we can have each other in the end.

Sigh. He told me that his friends always broke up when they had long distance relationships even if they were four hours away, they just couldn't do it and broke up. I'd be terrified if I lost Blue Fox like that and I would hate to lose him... But when Blue Fox told me that story, he was like, "Well, that's different for us because you're coming here" and then I started thinking of this problem I have again.

And then I remember the time he told me about his other friend who's in the army and has a girlfriend, his friend wants to go finish his deployment but his girlfriend isn't sure if she could wait for him so he's in a situation where he doesn't know what to do. Blue Fox and I thought that they should build on their bond with each other or break up, wait until he gets back, see each other and see if there's anything to build up from it. And that's where I feel like... Blue Fox and I should do? Build up a really strong relationship and if the time comes... We'll be able to go through it together... I hope. Sigh. GAH!

Will he be able to wait for me?

What am I to do?,
Otter

PS: I told my mother about it (excluding Blue Fox) I've talked about dropping the air force, moving out of Washington and going back to school or working elsewhere. She is okay with it but she is telling me to not drop the air force yet. She wants me to wait a little longer and see how this goes first before I make a decision...

I guess all I have to do now is wait and see how this unfolds... (sad face)