Fffffffffffffffffff... ᅮᅮ

Just when I'm about to be able to go to Maryland... Something comes in the way of it!

It's things like this that make me realize the saying, "When you want something so bad, you can't have it yet" is true. I really want to go to Maryland but...

My mother is giving me this job opportunity to stay in with her sister's in-laws (which irks me a whole lot) and the job is in Los Angeles. I'll be hired to watch a grandmother... I don't know if it's their mother or their mother's sister. Apparently, she tends to slip so I'll have to call 911 for it. But other than that, she's fine... But that's basically it and every month, I get $600+. Free room, free internet, free food, free car... Free everything. Mother says to try it out for a month, while I look for a job in Maryland (which would be hard because they would need personal interviews and how can I do that when I'm in Los Angeles?)

Mother says things like, "You'll be able to get out of that house, you wouldn't have to see them again. You're getting paid, you have a lot of free stuff, you're watching someone the whole day but you're basically alone all the time. So, what more? You aren't in the position to be picky right now. You need a job, here's one, people are helping you out but you're acting like you don't want to work. Just try it out for one month."

What pisses me off is that my mother already said that I can go to Maryland and then now, she's pushing this on me. I tell her that I don't really want to do it. Because to be honest, I don't want to be in a house alone anymore. I've been doing that for the last 15 years of my life and I'm doing it RIGHT NOW... I'm tired of being alone, that's why I want to live in with friends. I mean, yes my mother has a point but... Uhg.

Blue Fox can't wait.

And it makes me sad that right when I'm coming - Which I haven't told him yet - something comes up and it's being postponed. I haven't given my mother an answer yet... I told her to go to sleep and when she wakes up, I'll hopefully have an answer by then.

I cried, I'll be honest. Because just thinking of Blue Fox going to other girls just hurt me too much.

Spiraling out of control,
Otter