Useless Tension in Seattle

Anyways, with my aunt and I... There's tension building up pretty quickly and I actually don't see the point in it and why she's so mad.

She was planning this trip to Great Wolf, which is like an indoor water park thing, and when she was still planning it she asked me what I thought about it and I told her that I can swim but I don't think it's quite a good idea because for one, I have other things to do, better things to do and priorities to think of first... I didn't come back to Seattle to play around and go on trips.

But I've already told her that she didn't have to but she still decided to go with it. She was inviting her friend, Maureen, but I don't really like her because of the way she treated my uncle (who she was married to) so it was uncomfortable... But then last Saturday, she asked if she could bring her 50-year-old boytoy Willy but I thought it would be extra uncomfortable... Because I have no idea where she got him and they've only been seeing each other for a short time and she was thinking of him being with us in the hotel room but I told her that we'd be all girls and then you bring in this guy that you just met... I expressed that it'd be uncomfortable. She was... Not liking my answer.

On that same day, I had my mom's friend hook me up with one of their friends to help me and apply somewhere. But I only had a day to prepare so I talked to my aunt about bringing my cousin with me because I'm not going to leave a nine-year-old girl home alone. My aunt didn't like it and was telling me to leave her at home but I could just not accept that. She didn't like the idea that her daughter would be with a stranger and even though I understood that, it was a female who's also a single mom, with two sons, working in the Navy reserve. I mean, I wouldn't go for it if it was a male but it was a female, I don't know. So we planned that, while I get picked up by my mom's friend's friend, Ms. Juliet, my cousin will go to my aunts work, wait for me, I meet her up in Downtown, pick up my cousin, go home by bus. That was the plan.

Then on Sunday, I got picked up by Ms. Juliet and her two sons... They dropped me off at Uwajimaya (A Japanese grocery that also supports Korean and Chinese stuff but it's mainly Japanese) so I go there, apply for the job, and it was quick... I signed it off within 30 minutes and I was still early. So, as nice as Ms. Juliet is, she asked me if I'd like to tag along with her and her sons for the day... I was concerned for my cousin, but she was nice enough to drive me to Downtown, talk to my aunt and was more than willing to have my cousin come along, so we could go to church and eat and whatnot.

I go to my aunts work, told her about the change of plans, she got angry and didn't want it to happen... So, I was allowed to leave but she called her boytoy and have him be with Kailah the whole day. That image in my head was just a big no-no. A 50-year-old man with a nine-year-old girl... I don't know what my aunt was thinking. They went out, watched a movie, and who knows what else.

So, I hung out with Ms. Juliet and her family and I honestly had a lot fun.

And then, come Monday, it was the day that my aunt and cousin were leaving for Great Wolf. I told her that I wasn't coming and she got a little pissed. 10 minutes later, she comes to me and asks why I changed my mind, and I told her that there was no need for me to go, I don't have the money to spend on that and I have things to do like be more aggressive about looking for a job. She got pissed even more. Then she said, "If that's your rule, fine. Tell your mom to talk to me." She left the house steaming and I greeted her a "Have fun on the trip" and she just stared down at me.

When she got to the car, she called me and asked me again if I really didn't want to go, I told her that I was sure, then she said, "I planned for this trip, you were so excited and now, you don't want to come. It's a misunderstanding but I just wanted to know why you don't want to come because I paid for a room that can hold four to five people." and I got a little aggitated because I already told her and plus, she should have planned better but she was in such a rush to go to this place. Then I also expressed that Willy might be coming, she told me that he wasn't but knowing her, I knew it was a lie. And then at the end, she was like, "Okay. Fine. We're going." and she hung up on me.

To be honest, I don't know why she would get angry. I mean, she knows that I'm looking for a job, she knows I need the money, she knows that I have better things to do... And I know she's using me and her daughter to get things from guys that's why I also feel that I shouldn't be around.

Also, she's been lying... Blaming me for spending too much of her money. Like, when we go out, I buy shirts because I'm in need of shirts and of course, I have my own money and I manage my stuff and I don't expect her to pay but when we're there, she always say things like, "Oh no~ I got this, blah blah blah, save your money" things like that, and then she swipes her card in front me and now, I'm thinking, "Great. I have to pay you back." but then, she calls my mom and complains that I'm using up all her money but look at her, she's coming home with four boxes of cereal so often when we don't even need it but she buys it because it's on sale. She buys a lot of things that we don't need and she's using her money to buy take out food to fill the fridge and it all spoils and molds on itself because no one in the house is eating it.

And the reason why I came back to Seattle was because she would constantly ask my mom if I could come back and watch my cousin because she's in need of a "babysitter", I suppose. And she promised me and my mom that she'd pay me and it was suppose to be from the government but since she was declined, she still offered to pay me even though because I'm still watching over my cousin. But sometime after I came back, she changes her mind and talks to my mom and says, "I decided not to pay Otter anymore... I'll just buy her stuff." - Hellooooo, I don't need STUFF. I need MONEY. She knows that, my mom knows that... Even my grandmother knows that. So she hasn't been paying me but now that she decides to pay for my stuff, she complains and it's not even a lot.

Sigh.

And since I'm constantly being bullied by my cousin, the more I'm convinced that I should be paid. Because if I'm on the phone, she's always jump on me. And if who I talk to asks things like, "Oh, what was that?" and I talk about my cousin... The more she becomes needy for attention. So, she'll hit me with pillows and try to strike me in the face as I talk on the phone, jump on me, try and punch me in the face but have her fist an inch away from my face, or kick me and things like that. And once, I hid my face in the pillow and she took a ball - similar to a yoga ball - and smashed it on the pillow I was covering my head with and... I really, really felt that. But I couldn't yell because I knew that if I did, she'd tell her mom, her mom would get angry and I can't get her angry because she holds my mail. Knowing my aunt's personality, if she's pissed... She holds grudges and if she has something of yours, she'll hold it as long as she can and not give it to you no matter how important it is. But then, one day, I was being nice and took her to the park... There were some kids at the park and I was being a good role model that my aunt sees in me and I tried being a "big sister" and tried to encourage her to make some friends because she doesn't have friends and that's why she is who she is today so I tried to have her make friends and have fun and be a kid. But she didn't like it and I tried to convince her again but... She got pissed and kicked me really hard in the shin.

It hurt, to be honest and I got angry that time but I didn't explode all the way. She didn't even apologize. And since then, we haven't spoke because I'm still mad at her for doing that. I mean, even though she's nine... You should be old enough to know what's right and what's wrong in terms of treating others, you know? Blah.

So with all this tension, it's getting more and more uncomfortable to be in the house because I know she's constantly staring at me and looking down at me and it's really weird.

That's why my mom was thinking that I should get out of there... She was offering the suggestion that I should find my own apartment but I told her that I don't need that. I just need a job to get out of the house more often and things like that and she agreed but she was saying that she didn't want me to stay there. My mom knows my aunt more than anyone else and is warning me not to stay too long. That's why my mom was saying, "If you can find a job in Maryland by sending an application online or whatnot, then you can go there. Stay with a friend or something or find a cheap apartment or something. But make sure you find a job first before going." so my mom's all for the idea of me finally going to Maryland... Sooooo, I'm still finding a job here in Seattle and I'm now trying to find one in Maryland but it's all... Babysitting, tutoring and home care stuff. LOL.

If and when I do move in with either my friends or Blue Fox and his roommates (or his roommates girlfriend, not sure about that because Blue Fox wants me to stay with him), I wouldn't have to pay rent either. I just need to find a job and obtain a drivers license and get use to driving again.

But I'm trying. I don't want to stay in Seattle anymore... This is worse than living with my aunt in San Diego or living with my aunt in Canada all in one house. Sigh.

Struggling,
Otter