On A Serious Note

Now that Blue Fox has started school, he's going to be really busy and it makes me a little sad that we won't be able to talk as much anymore and we won't be able to speak on the phone with one another late at night like we're use to. Sigh. But I love how he calls me when he's on his way to his first class and I'm just waking up! And his voice mails? Ohmygod, SAVED ALL OF THEM. They are just too cute~

On a serious note though.

We all probably know that I've never felt this way before. I've even told Blue Fox that I'm a little confused and a little scared because I'm liking someone too much, too quickly and missing him so much, so often and he told me that he feels the same and we both don't really care.

Now that I'm trying to find a job here in Seattle, each day is getting harder because I have to manage my cousin who's becoming a pain in the ass and I'm suppose to be getting paid by my aunt for "babysitting" her which is at least a $100 a week and I haven't gotten a cent out of it. I'm losing time and money and I'm practically on my last hundred since I got here and applying for a job is really hard, that's why I want to work now.

Also, the US Air Force. I'm starting to feel like I should let it go? And apply again some other time in the future? Or not join anymore and just go back to school?

Blue Fox is thinking of moving out of his dorm and into a new apartment by the spring-semester and when that comes along, that's the time I move in with him and his cousins. I know you might be thinking that I'm dropping all of this because of Blue Fox but I've always wanted to live in Maryland, ever since high school and if and when I have the money, I'll go and my mother even thinks it's alright as long as I'm financially stable and can get a job within a month of arriving there... But, I'm HELLA missing school. I've been waiting for this Air Force-thing to work out for the last two years and it seems like everytime I keep trying, something gets in the way of completing and I'm thinking, "Do I want this anymore?"

I don't want to move there and leave for the Air Force, knowing that Blue Fox is going to finish his ROTC Army and not do his duty and just go to grad school and finish his duty later on... I don't know. I... Just want to go to school again and forget this Air Force thing. Also, I'm scared that Blue Fox wouldn't and couldn't wait for me... I don't know. BAH, I'm scared and confused.

Ahhhhh, I don't know.

Stuck,
Otter